Day in the Life of Mother and Child with Asperger's
74Look Normal?
Morning
Before school:
Drag self out of bed after hittting snooze button umpteen times. I take my antidepressant.
Try to coax resistant son, Xavier, out of bed. He has no sense of urgency and is taking his time lining up toys on the carpet.
Resort to helping him put his clothes on. Help hunt for his shoes. I'm glad I agreed to velcro with this pair of shoes - he has difficulty tying shoe-laces and velcro it is less likely that a shoe will be thrown at my head in the car.
Arrive at school two minutes late - just like my entire own school experience.
I feel stressed as a mother with Asperger's of a child with Asperger's.
Home alone:
The house looks like a bomb-site.
I check my emails and work on my articles. Do the essential parts of housework as quickly as possible in between breaks.
Today's chore is clean out my car. Fill two rubbish bags with empty food packets, bits of paper, and potato crisps. Vacuum off the collection of snot that Xavier has so generously wiped on the edge of his seat.
I return to my writing. I try to remember to eat and drink. I remember to get the washing on the line while it is still sunny, which will save using the drier. Money is tight at the moment.
Principal rings. Xavier is not coping with the relief teacher and is reacting with tantrums, even hitting the teacher. Can I come and collect him? Xavier doesn't cope well with change - many people with Asperger's prefer predictable routines.
He finds school to be very stressful. We are considering home-schooling him.
Walking across the school grounds, Xavier runs to the long-jump pit and lies down in the sand like a starfish, swishing his arms and legs through the sand Then he jumps the fence instead of walking through the gate. He tells me he was being a snow angel in the sand.
Supposed to be getting dressed for school
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Afternoon
Home with son:
Instruct Xavier that there is no TV or play until school time officially "finishes".
Show him what is required for his homework - separating words into syllables.
A tantrum:
Within two minutes he throws his homework book across the room. "This is f**king stupid! I hate school!" he shouts. He goes from calm to out-of-control in 3 seconds. Unfortunately he has Asperger's of the easily frustrated variety.
He is screaming - loud and high-pitched. He starts hitting me. During a meltdown, he doesn't hear me and can't be reasoned with.
My ears hurt and my brain shuts down. The cat wasn't impressed by the noise and vanished. I'm sure cats have Asperger's too.
The only place I feel safe is is in my bed. I retreat under my covers, block my ears and wait. He chases me, screaming and hitting.
Trying to recover:
Eventually, there is calm.
Xavier gives me a hug. "I love you mum," he says. He is calm and cheerful. No trace of the angry, oppositional defiant monster that took over my child's body.
My beautiful child is back, but I still feel shell-shocked and feel like shutting him out, but embrace him, tears streaming down my face that he does not notice.
He starts reading a book. I lie down on my bed for a half-hour nap.
The cat will take care of the washing
Evening
As usual, Xavier refuses to shower, but agrees to have a bath. I cook dinner. I still feel brain-dead.
He complains his dinner is yucky, but I know this is a battle not worth fighting, just like we gave up the battle of trying to get him to eat vegetables long ago.
We didn't end up getting homework completed, clothes folded and put away, or practise Taekwondo. But I let it go and think, "oh well, another day." No point beating myself up about it. Asperger's Syndrome makes parenting so much harder.
I watch some TV or read a book and drag myself off to bed.
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thank you. My son snapped today and bashed a boy that bullied him. He's had 9 months of being bullied and no friends at school. I've been harping onto school all this time. They have not yet put his special accomodations in place since his diagnosis. I think he has childhood depression (angry type rather than sad type).
After 9 months of bullying I'm not surprised. The school should have put something into place by now, maybe try going to a higher authority. Try Aspect, they may be able to help.
Things have gotten worse. Today he was hiding under slide because got angry. A girl went up to him and said she was going to dob him in. He was like a cornered wild animal and hit her. Has suspension tomorrow. Has EEG in 2 wks to investigate rage. We gave him a drink which has "evil" preservative in it over weekend as trial for EEG - usually has effect within 24 hours, but this time took longer
diet helps him a lot (avoiding additives etc) but still not enough on its own. Am reluctant, but think we have no choice but to look at meds
I enjoyed this , so honest and quite funny, made me laugh. You're a good writer!
thanks - you can see how attempting homeschooling might be a really bad idea! Our day is pretty chaotic at the best of times. We do have many funny moments though
I'm not an expert on Aspergers Syndrome, so take my words for what they are. I'm not at all a fan of drugs, especially when given to children, but in this particular case I think it's the best solution as your son can become dangerous for himself, and for others. If he's not able to control himself that's unfortunately the only way to go. Maybe later on when older things will improve and he'll be able to control himself and quit or reduce medicines. Don't want to be rude but a son hitting his mother is something I can hardly stand, and if he doesn't stop things can only get worse with age.
As regards you, well, from your story it doesn't seem that you are so much different from a lot of people around. You have just some "particular" traits. :)
Very beautiful pictures and very good hub.
Rated up and useful, and I'm your 42nd follower. :)
Thanks for your comments hypnodude. Most of the time we are just a "regular" family. The meltdowns (mega-tantrums) are very difficult to deal with, an an angelic non-violent child turns into a monster. His combination of inflexibility and low frustration means he is prone to exploding - it is a developmental issue and is a common feature of children with Asperger's, ADHD, bipolar, OCD and similar syndromes. We get judged a lot by outsiders who think he just needs to be "disciplined properly".
We are not a fan of medication either, so young, but it may be something we have to look at. His rage is to do with school mainly - the school completely failed to protect him from bullies and now he has lashed out. His psychologist recommends getting him out of there ASAP. I have written some other hubs about Aspergers to try and help people understand the difficulties of this "invisible" disability
Thank you for sharing your story. Taking medication is sometimes essential, as I feel it is here for your son. He needs some extra help to cope with life and its many attacks on his senses and mind.
My nephew PJ has been on medication since he was seven. He tried to kill himself at 5 and 6 years old a few times. The meds helped him to get some peace from his raging mind.
At 18 and doing extremely well he is on some medication but vey little, If he had not been on the meds at 7 he would definately not be here today.
Thankyou for your feedback. My son has been doing better since being on school holidays - I think a lot of his stress is associated with school. We have been applying the strategies from "The Explosive Child" and have minimised meltdowns. I think with my history of depression, there is a strong possibility he will require medication at this stage. We are trying things in steps. Fortunately, he has never been suicidal (some food additives can do that to children - very scary).
Hi thanks for sharing, if feel very related to your daily routine I am NT. nut my 5 year old has Asperger´s, and when hi has a tantrum is devastating for me, and if was there just in time to watch is even worst, but I love my child and trying to lear how to cope with his need. Feels nice to know that other families are goin through the same struggle.
Thanks lulu. I agree the tantrums/meltdowns of an AS child are just torture. Not all children with AS are like this - I was of the docile temperament as a child - the easy flavour. Take the meltdowns away, and I have a really neat kid - still with plenty of challenges, but definitely not a bland personality
hey your hub is very nice, thanks for shearing.
Thankyou for reading, md.
Great hub! Your day is similar to mine in many ways. I have rheumatoid arthritis and my daughter- age 3 is difficult on an easy day. She doesn't have any diagnosis, but she is what many call "high maintenance" and was a very fussy baby. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has crazy days.
Thanks izettl, yes 'high maintenance' sounds like a good term. Appreciate how difficult it is when in pain too - I had a chronic pain disorder from an undiagnosed autoimmune condition - fortunately, now I am not in pain on a daily basis
I am very impressed with your writing on your day to day experiences and I have so much empathy for you. I know what it is like raising a child with Asperger's and I know it is not easy. I certainly understand today is more of a struggle given the times we live in and I feel for you in your situation. I can't imagine what it is like as a parent struggling with Asperger's and raising a child with Asperger's I do relate in some ways though because I suffer from extreme shyness and that is why I find writing my safe haven. It is a place I can go to express my feelings, hopes, dreams and visions for my son and a way of healing from all the sadness we go through to. We must always stay focussed and strong for our children. I look forward to reading more about your experiences and wish you all my best! You certainly are doing a wonderful job and I feel your writing is wonderful. Thank you for sharing!
Thankyou ediann. Fortunately, I am not of rigid temperament like my son (even though we are alike in many ways), otherwise things could be disasterous. We long for the end of the battles for him to get into the shower (and then the battle trying to get him back out of it again). The meltdowns are lessening in intensity and duration - hopefully we will see the end of them one day. Tonight he was very distressed about some children using "his" art paper - took quite a bit for me to reassure him that the world is not going to run out of paper any time soon
I felt like I was I reading my own life in your words.
I am an NT mother with an aspergers son, suspected aspergers husband and an NT daughter. There are two other children already living out of home. My aspie son is eight and I love him so deeply and am challenged by him so regularly. The part I find the most difficult is the feeling of isolation and the misunderstanding of people who don't live in the story. There are so many opinions, but when you are in it sometimes it is just sheer madness! I would like to share more, but another time. Thank you so much for your honest and open account of your days
Yes, Elizabeth, people are too quick to judge, even people that should know better. Is a bit of a circus sometimes. I have just started working part-time again, so our days are very busy. It's hard raising an inflexible-explosive child on top of the Asperger's
Thank you so much for sharing this. I don't know how it was that I happened upon your story tonight, but I truly needed to hear it. My son has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers and our entire family is really struggling. The situations that you go through on a daily basis are almost identical to what we go through. It is almost scary. Sometimes I think we should all just admit ourselves to a mental health center because we have all become crazy! The worst part I think is some of our close family members are not supportive. "If you would have just used a firmer hand when he was younger, you wouldn't be in this situation". It is difficult enough to hear from strangers. Thanks again for your story.
Thanks for commenting Wendi. It's amazing my husband and I aren't alcoholics! We get all those comments too from family that don't understand that it's more complex than what it seems. We are aware though that we need to be much firmer with him. The meltdowns are the worst part and he is very pig-headed and stubborn (strong family trait both sides unfortunately). I have written some more hubs about our experiences
thankyou for sharing your story.it helped me a lot as iam going through the same situation at the movement.
Glad it was helpful for you flo - it helps to know we are not alone with our challenges
I was diagnosed with HFA at 4 years old, but did not receive help and therapy until I was closer to nine or ten. My 7 year old daughter is textbook Aspergers, and as I'm sure you know the struggles with getting a girl diagnosed these days somehow seem even worse... what you've written here is our days to a T, and it's reassuring to see that there can be so much of the same in someone else's situation. Thank you.
I wanted to add, with the notes you've received, that my daughter also has fairly severe ADHD and while we've been extremely EXTREMELY anti-medication and literally went through 3 years of absolute hell with every. single. trial of everything (diet, behavioral, radical books, you name it we had done it) before giving in and trying... the results were instant, and amazing. She learned to read almost *overnight* at a third grade level (from not being able to read her own name). She could look us in the eye. She could express her emotional state. It's not a cure by any means, but for us it's allowed us to cut through the cloud of ADHD and actually reach the Aspergers part, and then suddenly some of the coping skills actually start to help. At seven we're finally seeing real progress. Like I said, it's no cure, and I have no expectations of things to be normal... but it's helped.
Also, thank you for not glorifying autism. I can't tell you how upset it makes me to see so many, "No cures for us!" and "Autism makes everyone happy and special" blinkies all over the place: it trivializes the challenges, heartache and pain that families take every single day. The bullying and exile from friends and relatives even in adulthood, because either no one believes you, or no one wants to. The, "Like rain man?" conversations every single time you dare to try to explain to a passerby why your child behaves that way... So, thank you again for being honest. It helps.
- Heather
thankyou Heather for your feedback. Some people can't handle my directness - I'm not an "earth-mother born to love raising children" type. Perhaps people are scared to say how it really is - there are good days and there are plenty of crap days, but we are surviving.
My boy has ADHD tendencies (as does his father), but is able to focus quite well (but is terribly disorganised etc) and we have been able to avoid meds. I think some parents think meds will be some kind of magic cure, but from my own experience with meds, it can be a very bumpy ride, so I consider meds a last resort. Of course this is my opinion and every case is different. Glad you are having progress.
I think the hardest thing would be to have a child with classical autism - I'm sure those parents wouldn't be in the "autism is great" camp! My son is exhausting to parent, but he has his cognition etc. I worry if he will ever be able to be independent and get a job one day, but then I have to forget about worrying and take one day at a time.
IM BEGINNNG TO THINK I MAY BE THE ONLY SINGLE PARENT OUT THERE WITH ASPERGERS AND RAISING AN ASPERGER CHILD (AND MY DAUGHTER)...
If there is anyone else out there, please feel free to email me- mlr3475080@yahoo.com
Everything seems to be crumbling down around me...
Misty - it's tough - I can't imagine just how tough it would be to be a single parent of a child with AS. There are others in that situation on Yahoo forums - can get support/vent/discuss issues
Baileybear, your baby boy is beautiful. What shiny blue eyes. I can just imagine what tremendous joy entered into your life the day he was born. I have two sons, of course they are men now, 30 and 26, but they are my babies and I look at them sometimes and remember what great joy came into my life when they were born. While my sons did not suffer from your sons' ailment, I know what it is like to be in and out of hospitals with my boys when they were small, one time we had a room for two weeks just for my two boys and of course I never left the hospital. I thought at that time I wouldn't be able to make it, but love for your children seems to give you an overwhelming strength in life to endure that and so much more, believe me, as they grow up, there is so much more that will come along but dont worry your love for your boy will give you strength to endure all that comes along. Wishing you a life time of love, joy, peace and happiness with your family :)
lcg4jc - thankyou - I'm biased, but I agree he is very handsome. His eyes used to be blue when he was a baby, but are now light green-grey. His tantrums can make life very stressful and he has huge difficulty making friends (is a bully magnet with his Asperger's) but we are taking it each day as it comes. We are transitioning into a new school that is very supportive - he did a full day today, and from next week will do two days a week, ready to go full-time next year.
Wow what a big transition that will be for you and your baby boy. Beginning with two days will help with the transition, especially since next year will be full time. I'm sure it is a huge relief but a bittersweet as well. I think every mother goes through those ups and downs when we are happy to have some time to ourselves but then we are left with a void and don't know what to do with ourselves LOL Honestly, I don't think I have ever gracefully transitioned in any of my boys' milestones. Anyways, I am glad to hear that things are heading in a positive direction for you and your family, that brings much joy to this mom. Hoping you have a great weekend. TTFN :)
lcg4jc - being a parent is so much of our identity now (even though many days, I'd be happy to trade), that when my husband & I had the rare opportunity to have a few days to ourselves, we felt lost - it was too quiet etc. I work part-time (for my sanity). We're paying for care at the moment, which is a killer
i came online to see if i could find anything about the hell i experience - i am 43 and diagnosed a few mths ago with asperger's. my 6 year old daughter was diagnosed PDD-NOS but i'm quite sure she's also asperger's. we have almost daily meltdowns as well, i haven't figured out the pattern to them yet so haven't managed to make them avoidable - and wonder at times if she would be better if i wasn't her mom. i don't have the best control myself - still struggle with suicidal thinking and self-harm in my own meltdowns (i do manage to isolate myself when these happen) - and i don't know how to help her learn to cope - i obviously haven't been terribly successful myself. we've just started to connect to resources so maybe things will improve once we get hooked up.
thanks very much for your writing.
Colleen - my life was hell for many years. I figured out we were affected by chemicals, including food chemicals. Avoiding these have made such a difference to our lives - our health, my depressive disorder is no-where to be seen, my son's meltdowns are much less, and we are coping much better. Many people on the autistic spectrum are very sensitive to chemicals. I'm planning to write about our food senstivities (have only touched on it).
You are normal! You and your son! If I didn't read about your condition, I see no difference with you and the normal people around who lament over the same depression and all that. You are more brilliant to me than those people claiming to be normal.
Such a busy day you had. This is your shining edge over us, knowing how to cope despite yourself. Cope and you will be. I'll pray for you always, together with your son- for strength to fight your silent foe. God Bless you and your family.
Thanks, Lita. We are almost normal - it's not obvious about our disabilities - they are "invisible" a lot of the time. Today, I got told off at work for speaking too loud on the phone - LOL! I'm trying not to be irritating at work. Problem is, with something like this, people focus on the things they don't like and forget all the awesome things in a person. Even with my boy, when he has his tantrums, over the same old issues (like having to have a shower), it's so frustrating, that it's easy to forget the really cool things about him
This is an awesome hub, and I really learned a lot from your writing. I hope that you consider using Hubpages to earn an income as well as some kind of therapy and social interaction.
What I find interesting about your day, is that it is not so very different than the day of a "normal" mother and child of that age, it is just a level of intensity that is different.
BTW, my completely so called normal daughter spent years lining things up in rows everywhere around the house. She is still quite obsessive about neatness, and likes things to be in order.
Many of the symptoms you describe in yourself and your son, I have seen in myself and my children in varying degrees. So don't feel that everything he does is related to Asperger's because I think some of it can be attributed to being a child. Nevertheless, I wish you much success in treating and coping with both your own and your son's situations.
Yes, lakeerie - the intensity is different. Asperger's is a syndrome no different to any other syndromes eg migraines are syndromes too. AS is not a disease; it's a different way of viewing the world which has some difficulties associated with it (because the majority in the world function differently). Some think it is really just an extreme in a personality type. Agree that anyone can have traits of anything - your daughter has OCD traits, but may not have enough to be diagnosed OCD.
I am a single parent of an only child with aspergr
Most people I know don't really know that I have aspergers too.
I got called manic depressive. Borderline, add, psychotic all kinds of things.
I have been on mutiple meds.
I have been treated like garbage by the health care industry.
The more I get treated like garbage the more mad I get.
But you know I have also analized people to be like them to the point where now I currently dimiss people alltoghther.
It really sucks.
I am really lonely and I am afraid we will end up alone and also, without healthcare. But what really sucks is I am resourcefull at times and there just isn't any resources when you are poor and don't have any familey really.
We do have some friends and for some reason I find people usually like me and generally I am popular or infamous.
I have perfected pretending I am normal and human behavior that people sometimes get obsessed and enamored and won't leave me alone so I can't trust thye oppisite sex.
My daughter is very intelligent but sometimes people tret her like she is stupid
As she gets older I am afraid.
People also gravitate towards her.
She spit on her teacher I am very not please but I still took her to mcdonalds anyways.
Well. THe school does very well with her and we are lucky for that.
I try to go to school functions but when I go to her school I just feel like a freak and I really dislike going anywhere professional. The fact I formely had a job for three years before I was fierd for stalking (getting it done to me) by someone twice my age...
well I dunno. I hope things get better. SOmedays are better than others. I don't really think it is a disorder either and actually it is just like everyone else around me is disoreder and uninteresting and I hate thinkng that way it actually is depressing and scares me.
what am I supposed to do for my daughter?
I am trying. I try not to think about it too much. I just want her to like herself and take no crap But she still can't spit on people that are trying to help her. But I told her if someone spit on her she better spit on them better.
rdkdm - sounds like you are having a rough time - it sucks being misunderstood and treated like a criminal or psychopath.
Are you or your daughter entitled to any support services, like at her school?
Unfortunately, there are rarely any support services for adults, unless they are experiencing mental illness as well.
All I can recommend is to try and find some support, even an on-line forum for Aspergers, and learn all you can about the condition and ways to cope.
Hi Baileybear,
I hereby give you a standing ovation followed by a bear hug!! Reading your blog brought back many memories of how difficult it was raising my Asperges/PDD/ODD child. My son, now 15, was so similar to your little boy and oh, the tantrums and screaming that would last anything from 5 minutes to 5 hours. Thank you so much for sharing your day with us and allowing me to take a moment to remember how far my son has come. I wish someone had reassured me during our darkest times that things would improve and he would grow into a handsome, loving, albeit still difficult at times, young man. Keep doing exactly as you are doing and on the days when it seems that it is all too much just remember you are doing a wonderful job. All the very best for the future :-)
WorkingMum - I'm hoping the teenage years aren't too bad! We've had a calmer son lately with a simple body brushing technique the OT had us try.
Just wanted to say I read the hub fron beginning to end and rated it up. Thanks for sharing your experience. My friend's 9 year old son has Aspergers and he is starting to feel safe at my house so I am trying to learn as much as possible about this.
Spacey Gracey - thanks for reading and rating up. I hope to write more soon. Is your friend's son of the compliant variety or the rigid/inflexible (explode easily) variety? Mine is the latter (the difficult flavour!)
He is very explosive. If something doesn't go the way he wants he will totally blow up before we can even register what has happened. It might even just be a misunderstanding but it'll take an age to calm him down so he can explain. He is 9 now and it is getting harder as he gets older. He is such a lovely sincere boy but finds life so stressful. But every now and then he can get so happy - a pulled him round on a sledge the other day in the snow and he was totally thrilled and understood really well when it wasnt his turn anymore and that I couldn't pull him as fast as the little kids. The tantrums are scary especialy as he is getting bigger and stronger.
SG, tell him parents we understand completely - it's tough. We've had many strategies that help reduce the intensity & frequency of the meltdowns and reduce the stress for everyone. Have touched on a bit in some hubs; plan to write more about it. Maybe I should just write one about the explosive child and what helped keep a shred of sanity for us. He used to go from zero to rage in less than a second.
I think its so tough on his mum because she never gets a break from this - he can be happy and then totally blow up out of nowhere. He totally trashed one room in my house one day but he was in such a state that we knew there was no stopping him - there aren't many places where she can take the kids and she wont be judged. He tidied the room up when he felt better and I know he cant control it but I can imagine how 'naughty' that seems to people that don't understand. I will check out some more of your hubs.
Yes, totally understand. We've had to repair many holes in walls. And I've had to use defense moves to stop him hurting me if he attacked me. Will make the hub a priority.
Current information on what it is like to raise a child with autism/as. You do well walking on egg-shells! I do agree about the diet and the chemicals, from experience.
You will get through this, I promise! Thank you for sharing your story.
thanks, okmom. Diet helped a lot (I figured out that before I knew about AS). Have found other stuff that helps too - hope to write soon.
That I much like my mum and brothers relationship.
We are having problems at the school with them wanting to exclude him for his behaviour. They aren't putting the correct AS strategies in place!! He is only 9 and is so prone to all the bullies too, it's s constant battle. Its very hard for me too as a NT 17 year old girl living with the both of them and the routines and triggers. Sometimes feel like I missing out on a 'normal' teenage life.... Especially when I am the carer for mum helping her through her difficulties with peoples perception of AS people, because a lot say there is nothing wrong with her, they just label her stubborn and rude, which is so frustrating for me nevermind a person suffering from this illness.... Don't know what our next move will be?!
Teenage Carer - you message came through twice, so I deleted one. Yes, the siblings grin and bear it, from what I've read. I wasn't a particularly difficult child, as I was compliant. My parents complained I became difficult when I gained independence - LOL. I just stick up for myself now. People often think I'm being rude or annoying.
My son is exhausting to parent a lot of the time - it's hard work figuring out how to keep some sanity in our household. I imagine you would feel resentful at times at all of the demands, yet love both your mother and brother to bits. That's how it is for me as a mother. Can't imagine it's much fun missing out on your childhood some.
We had to find a new school that is more understanding and supportive, because he developed a school phobia from being constantly bullied. I wrote about it in my considering homeschooling hub (which I could not do). He has transitioned to a new school part-time and has now finished for the year, ready to go full-time next year. The school are fantastic with him, and it makes a difference as he is happier and less likely to act up.
Take care of yourself & take time out. I'm sure you will be a very insightful person with having had this experience - maybe you could educate others?
Too late to write much. I want to say Thankyou for sharing. I'm searching for a better understanding of myself and my family as my husband and I believe we have Aspbergers, as well as likely 2 and maybe 3 of our four sons; ages 7 and under. I dont know enough about the toes to say if they are passive or explosive. My guess would be that the two year old is more explosive, but has more tha a year, as well as the rest of us o an extremely strict diet which has helped alot! My mom and two sisters also have Aspbergers as well as Tyretts( dont think i spelled that right) syndrome. My mom can have rage and say all kinds of not nice things that she doesn't mean, and latr regrets. This occured more often when I was young, as she was a single mom with 4 kids( 2 boys, 2 girls) and later a nother sister due to rape. And later another sister with Aspbergers from a second marriage. I never did well in school as I couldn't focus ADD, and cannot focus on anything if things are out of order. We are trying to homeschool but the boys need one on one to learn. I dont feel greatly successful, but try. Meltdowns are seldom thankfully. Seem to usually happen when I forget to feed us, and too much time passes. Then I have a quartet of unreasonable criers till I get food down them. Then they are suddenly the house of "Tiggers". My oldest is defiantly ADHD as well. I have spent most of my last 7 years repeating the very important training of treating others the way you want to be treated. Tell me when there's a problem. Listening. Aplying discipline and reminding them to say sorry. Focus alot on the right attitude as well.
Guess I'm writing alot.
What you wrote was an encouragement and quite enjoyable, and insightful. Thankyou.
Thanks for commenting, Blue Bonnet Girl. Yes, other syndromes like Tourettes, ADHD, food intolerances, anxiety, depression, sensory issues are common. My son has a tic that lately has disappeared with a simple body brushing technique that helps calm him. He has ADHD tendencies (eg disorganisation), but only becomes really hyper with food colourings.
My son is prone to rage, says things he doesn't mean, trys to hit me etc - he has much better control of himself with careful diet (salicylates in fruit is a huge trigger). I don't rage, but withdraw into depression (inward rage, I suppose).
He's been in a more positive & flexible frame of mind with diet (I've written some about food sensitivities), the brushing technique and being firm, fair and consistent.
BB - you are so brave to share all this, and so caring. This Hub is such a poignant insight into the life you share with your family, I really feel in awe of you! Wonderful stuff indeed!
Thanks so much for sharing this amazing Hub.
Love and peace
Tony
thanks, tony. I am taking a break from my religion & science hubs and am returning to my asperger hubs (which is where I started with HP 6 months ago). I've written a draft of how our homeschooling stint went, and my next one will be about my explosive child - what helps etc
Sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to for your son and that takes strength. Who better to be his mother than someone who knows what he's going through?
Thanks for sharing this :)
thanks for reading & commenting, nell79. I do think he appreciates that I understand
OOh i am so there with you,i have been to hell and back with my Aspie son he is now 17 and no longer trashes the house when having his tantrums,The dreamlike state your son described is exactly as told to me by my son.I have had him call teh police for an argument over the tv with his brother,Soooo many times had to pick him up from school in the end it was normal.Have ended up a single parent again as its hard to get someone to share hell with you.Life is better now but he has left school and until we can find the next step for him i have him around me all the time.We still have food issues and i still sometimes crack and yell back when he is angry it always ,makes it worse but then im human.Hang in their with your beatiful boy its no easy path ist more like a dance along a cliffs edge but somehow we do dance and we dont fall very far off the edge.
hugs
Jullie
Jullie - he got into a fight on his second day of school - I didn't mind so much, as a kid kicked him, so he whacked him back & then scuffle. Hopefully, this kid will leave him alone (he's a bully magnet).
We are making baby steps. Parenting him is exhausting - constant attention to diet otherwise suffer later; he is very messy and disorganised; very forgetful short-term, despite excellent long-term memory (just like me). The tantrums are less frequent and less intense - definitely would love to see the back of those forever.
Many adults can't get a grip on their tempers though - a man at my husband's work flew into a rage and snapped a broomstick over his neck
This hub bought me to tears. You have so much courage and love. I am also pleased you got some help with diagnosis when you moved here. New Zealand is a wonderful country I know, but if things are better here that can only be good. Do you use skype to contact your family?
I feel for your husband too. He must be a good man. Your child is a fine looking boy with a beautiful smile and I can see why you would be proud of him.
I feel honored to follow such a strong and caring person. We are all battling with ourselves in life, but you fight like a tiger lady!
earnest - thanks for the kind words. It's not always easy, but we have grown with our experiences. I stand up for myself these days, as you can probably see in the forums. No, we don't have skype
Brilliant hub. I feel like you with people. I could quite easily live in my house and not see anyone. I cant do big parties or clubs, I feel dizzy. Not good, hey. My husband has a wheat and gluten intolerance so I know how hard it can be finding food that isn't majorly expensive and not very tasty. I voted UP
Lesley - I cope much better since sorting out our food sensitivity issues. If my hubby hadn't have been so persistent, I might never have married or had a relationship. Probably be a lady with her cat!
Interesting hub, Baileybear. You allowed yourself to be quite vulnerable (yes, 'vulnerable' is the word), if I may say so. If I had to manage one-tenth of what you must cope with daily, I don't know if I would have had the courage to share it.
Thank you, though, this gives me some insight into some youngsters I encounter working in the public school system, here in the northeastern United States. Like Lesleysherwood, I can sympathize with some of your discomfort around big groups of people; I certainly need alone time to recharge my batteries. And like Lesleyasherwood again, I gave this hub a big up vote!
Take care.
wingedcentaur - I'm starting a website to focus on Asperger's after lots of encouragement here. I had a downer day at work today - got blamed for something I didn't do and had a task taken away from me (my supervisor is quick to blame and nit-pick). She came back to apologise after finding out I did nothing wrong and the computer guy (the golden boy) had done something to mess things up with the computer - it wasn't me at all!
Hi I'm up late reading this and crying. Have nearly 6 yr old aspie son. At the moment cannot handle his cry over everything. Things he cannot help but I'm so run down. Exhausted at every waking morning. He is getting lots of therapy but I pray for the day he learns to control that outburst of emotion. If he does. He starts school in two weeks and although u cannot wait to have a little bit of space at the same time am petrified. His dad doesn't understand him and wen he bursts in tears tells him to stop crying like a baby. He doesn't understand aspergers like me. I'm always telling him to read more and learn more so he understands him. The 2 yr old brother calls him a baby now wen he cries. I know I am not alone. So thank u fir ur story. It really touched my heart and made me cry. All the best to everyone
I feel like you wrote my life in this post. Its inspirational to know I am not the only one with this lifestyle. The frustration, the joys, the laughter. It takes a strong mom with a sense of humor to handle a child with asperger's. I am a young single mom & most days feel like I am literally drowning in life but the moments when the monster comes out of your child & you see the pure,honest love. You somehow realize its not your fault, its not their fault. Its just what is happening now. Thank you for sharing your story.
MPG Narratives Level 4 Commenter 23 months ago
You have offered so much of yourself in this hub, well done. So much to deal with but you seem to get through your day relatively unscathed. Beautiful photo of you and your son. Best wishes to you and your family.