Employment with Asperger's - Workplace Bullying, Discrimination
76If Only
I wish I had known I had Asperger's Syndrome years ago.
Then perhaps I wouldn't have tried some extremely unsuitable careers and completely failed at them? Perhaps I would have avoided the places that loved their hierarchies and where baffling workplace politics flourished? I've even been fired for being too honest.
Perhaps I could have learnt to improve my social skills so I didn't wind people up the wrong way unintentionally? Perhaps I could have picked a more suitable field that I could have succeeded in?
Perhaps if I had known I had sensory issues, I wouldn't have pursued chemistry. If I had known just how difficult it was for me to recall names, deal with unpredictable people and be organised I would have never bothered with teaching
But I don't didn't have the benefit of hindsight or even a diagnosis until I was an adult in my late-30s. It was my son's Asperger's diagnosis that enlightened me to my own.
It explained a lot about how having a high IQ doesn't help much in the workplace if social skills are lacking.
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Affected by Chemicals
I trained as an analytical chemist, as was disappointed that jobs in analytical chemistry in New Zealand were few and far between. Also, I was now suffering from undiagnosed depression since the burnout, and my mind was not functioning as well as it had previously.
I took jobs as a laboratory technician - a role beneath my academic studies, but it turned out to be a job I excelled in, despite the frequent boredom. As a laboratory technician, I learnt to overcome my chronic difficulty in organisation, order and deadlines (all strong Asperger's characteristics).
I didn't realise just how much affected by chemical fumes I was though - causing neurological effects like depression, dizziness, nausea and irritability. Even the smell of perfumes were too overpowering (sensory issues are another common trait of Aspergers). It was not until years later that I realised just how chemical sensitive I am - to household cleaning chemicals, food chemicals and fumes.
I also believe chemical exposure contributed to the onset of celiac disease, which I believe started at school and went undiagnosed until my mid-30s causing major health problems.
Useless Qualifications?
Attempting Teaching
I tried a stint of high school teaching. My undiagnosed celiac disease was getting worse and I was becoming more anxious.
I was also baffled at my inability to recall names easily, get to classes on time and cope with hundreds of students per day. Yet, I planned interesting lessons for my students. It was all the 'small' stuff that stressed me out.
The politics really got me down, how the children that arrived with low grades had to be scaled back down, even though I found novel ways to help them learn.
I asked a reading recovery teacher for help with a student that seemed to have dyslexia. Once she found out the student was in the lowest streamed class, she told me, "Waste of time. Can't fix a cracked pot. She'll always fail."
I was so angry at that attitude. I became disillusioned with teaching. I had so much to offer, and wanted to share my love of learning, but was chained up by the rigid politics.
Sometimes I've thought getting a teaching diploma was a waste of time and money. Sometimes in a low ebb, I have felt like smashing my qualifications against the wall and destroying them.
But in reality, anything I have done has taught me something - new skills, how not to do something, challenged me. My teaching experience gave me some tools to help me with being a parent. And I am parenting a child with a challenging temperament.
Learning About Myself
Since being diagnosed as Asperger's, I have been able to make sense of my difficulties on the workplace. I can appreciate that some people found me annoying or irritating, even though I could do the technical sides of my job well.
I did some personality tests and which identified me as INTP - a creative yet analytical type of person, both artistic and scientific. My highest multiple intelligence is visual/spatial.
I was targeted by bullies with aggressive and over-inflated egos. I started off as a quiet mouse, but eventually learnt to stand up for myself and gain assertiveness skills.
My self-esteem is currently intact, even though it took a battering at times. Am I a failure? Perhaps todays materialistic society would evaluate my career history as a failure.
Just because some areas of my life haven't worked out as I hoped doesn't make me a complete failure. I have special talents.
Edison was asked what it felt like after failing so many times when inventing a light-bulb. He said something along the lines of, "I didn't fail, I just figured out 999 ways NOT to make a light-bulb."
Likewise, I figured out some careers were not for me - I didn't know for sure until I tried. And not trying at all is failing.
I'm letting go of the idea there is a perfect job for me. I think I'm more suited to a quiet workplace where I can work autonomously and someone else gets to make the difficult decisions.
Making money writing hubs - I wish! I have a part-time job lined up which I'm supposed to start in a month. I think it will really suit me. I'm a little scared though, that once again, I will stuff it up
You know what, it makes me really angry that a decent honest person like yourself who has integrity is the one labelled with the social skills issues and medical disorder. Although I respect your Aspergers diagnosis, don't feel that it was your fault you were bullied or that there's something wrong with you. The corrupt twisted people you've worked with would have treated an honest human being like yourself in the exact same way whether you were Aspie or not. I'm an entrepreneur now after years of being bullied in various workplaces. Across the board you find that the more decent and socially skilled you are, the more likely you are to be bullied simply because human nature really hasn't evolved that much lol despite all our technological advances and apparent 'civilisation'! So many people never get the hang of emotional intelligence, whether bystanders or bullies. I'm not diagnosed Aspergers but I'm similar to you in the high iq/giftedness thing & the amount of hatred it generates. In my experience it has only ever been one person in any social group who has targeted me. How successful they were depended wholly on the bystanders and how dcent they were. I get on with people on the whole and am liked - bullies HATE that! They see themselves as number one & if they see someone getting on with others as well or even better than they are that's when it starts. Or at least that's been the case for me anyhow. My very first bully when I was 8 grabbed me at the school gate, slapped me across the face and said 'Don't you take my friends off me' LOL! I was the new girl at school and I guess I was getting on with 'her' friends a little too well for her liking...she's still weird with me as an adult in our 30s, despite my attempts to be friendly to her. So clearly she's the one with the problem!
Every bully I've met since (male & female though males who bully like women are usually too close to their mothers) has been the same way - it starts with me being popular with others in the group and if anyone lets slip that they think I'm attractive that usually starts them up as well -men are just as capable of being jealous of an attractive woman as other women are but like I said, they're usually too close to their mother lol (a pattern I've noticed)
Best of luck with everything you're doing, you'll be fine. Like most Aspergers (I have a family member who is) you will have the purest soul and a good heart. Never forget that. The universe loves you and will bring bad karma to those who try to hurt you. Go on with grace and let the universe deal with it. Namaste! xxxx
Thank you for your insightful comments, BulliedAlso. I actually feel down if I think too hard about the twisted, unfair way the world operates, and agree with you how crazy it is that people attack because they feel threatened.
I am 2 months into my probation at a new place, and work with much more decent people. Apparently, there is a bit of politics higher up, but I don't have to get involved. My job doesn't have any intensive people contact, which suits me fine.
Sometimes I feel a bit sensitive from my previous repeated bad experiences in the workplace, and wonder if my new workplace might decide to get rid of me, but then logically, they wouldn't continue training me if they thought it was not working out.
I actually have good instinct about people, but people will deny if contronted, so I doubted if my instincts were correct.
I work in a creative field now, and most of the staff are introverts and/or a bit quirky. Egos don't seem inflated as some I've encountered in science and education. My supervisor has decent training and people skills which makes a world of difference
I really enjoy your writing. Your experiences can really teach us all something. A friend of mine has been diagnosed, so it's interesting to read about what it's like for other people. I've suffered from depression for over a decade, and whilst I'm not really an introverted individual naturally, my illness means that I often don't feel up to acting like my usual bubbly self!...so I am often mistaken for being extremely shy when I'm actually not always like that. It's difficult for people to understand if they've never had to constantly put on the 'happy mask' day in-day out. Keep strong, and I love your work.
Thanks for the kind comments scarletquill. Yes, depression can definitely knock the stuffing out of people - it's a hard illness. My son has Asperger also, but is more extroverted - he has plenty of moods, usually temper, which is exhausting too!
I enjoyed reading your hub. There is never a good reason for someone to abuse and misuse someone. The behavior of a person with Aspergers is often misunderstood. My heart goes out to you. Keep the faith and keep strong.
thanks KK Gals - some people just enjoy a power trip perhaps? I've nearly completed my 3-month probation period in my new job - so far going well (not subjected to bullying etc)
wow, i have an appt with my son's psychologist tomorrow about how I'm not coping. And I've just written a list of things you have with your Asperger's that sum my behaviour up. I know I have something other than depression which I am always diagnosed with, and Asperger's, ADHD seem to fit... thanks again for sharing
You're welcome, precious. All the best
i read your story and i understand what you are saying and also some of your experiences, i am 20 years old, and i have to say that my curiosity took me all the way to the bottom of my case with the help of the www. this was like 2 1/2 months ago and i remember it clearly in my head, i was at work surfing around the net, then my supervisor/friend and i got into a conversation, i started talking about Gregory Perelman a math genius, well thru this conversation i went more deep into his biography. it turned up that he might have it and it explained what aspergers symdrome is, i read more about this symdrome because at the time i did not know what it was, so it turned out that everything it explains about the syndrome was all me, after that everything made sense in my life. from childhood to teen all the way till the day i found out. why i was weird, why i had bad social skills and why i was good in numbers but i lacked focus. man since that day my life changed completely in a positive way but i still have so many questions, i have no idea what i should studie for a career. i would like to have friends with this symdrome because i feel i can help, even tho i had a rough life as many like you sees it like i see it like a blessing because even tho befor i found out i had this i always knew i was unique and better in some ways tath other ignorant minds out there can comprehend/understand. i love what i am and i have learned to make the best of it but i have never tried to make it go away. we are all here for a reason and that is the only thing we should look seek for, i am.
code - you're in a good place finding out at the beginning of your working career. You can learn the necessary social skills and find a career that fits. I'm nearly 40 and am in an okay job now, but I have to try very hard with my social skills eg not to interrupt etc. You can do most any career you want, just be wary of the ones that require exceptional people skills or are messed up with excessive work politics. Many people with AS hate working for a boss, and end up working for themselves eg an IT consultant. It is near impossible not to have to interact with others, and it would be best to learn the skills to get by, even if have to fake it to make it (some with AS become so good at learning body language they become actors as a profession). All the best - you've got your whole life ahead of you.
well ever since i was in high school i would hear people tell me i should be a model or actor. but yeah i been realizing the body language stuff you are telling me about. i am a natural when it comes to acting like someone or faking be somthing that i am no.i totally get your point, but i am new at this i need all the help i can get, tho i have been studying myself eversince i knew i was different, i know that i can be good in numbers or acting but i have no high school diploma tho i have really high level of understanding some may say i know more facts and have more hope and knowledge than those with hs. or college people. i humblely tell you that i cannot see my self lower than those that cannot understand or go their whole lifes obeying to a symstem.
thanks again for you positive feedback it will help me alot
Code77 - having to fake all the time can be exhausting - I don't recommend it, but if you have limited social interactions, you should be able to learn the skills to pull it off.
Those with AS often like being original and don't mind going against the grain. Unfortunately, most of us have to try and integrate into society somehow, which means having to make do with some of society's expectations.
Don't beat yourself up about not having qualifications - a lot of well-known people flunked school. Find what it is that interests you and learn what you can. Try to figure out where you can use your natural abilities and don't be afraid to develop the weak areas (typically with AS include social skills, personal organisation, accepting authority). All the best.
Hi - Interesting article. I think I am an undiagnosed adult with Asperger's Syndrome. How does one get diagnosed? I have that math thing going on & social workplace issues. I'm very shy & just don't fit in anywhere. Very interesting article
Hi Nancy
I'm don't think there's any support services for adults. Most adults self-diagnose - they recognise themselves in books eg by Tony Attwood. We got our son diagnosed by a psychologist and psychiatrist, and I asked them if they thought I was too, or just had some traits. They agreed I was too, but not as obvious.
For adults, I recommend finding out about it, and figure out where you difficulties are, and how to overcome them
It's very brave of you to write something like this. The sad, yet ironic thing about our society is that there are so many people suffering from conditions such as these but are too scared to ask for a diagnosis - or something.
On top of that I believe that there are so many other problems with the human condition that either there is no diagnosis for it yet because not enough people have spoken up or that people with something like this get treated so bad that they don't want to admit that they have a problem.
Or even that they are worried that noone will believe them, or think they are looking for an excuse.
You are very brave, and because of that others in your, or similar, situations will find strength and useful advice in your writings.
Top stuff this article was very enlightening
thanks Davorunner
Aspergers and similar syndromes are becoming more common. It's just hard to be forced to adjust to a world that only thinks things should be done one way ie that everyone should be social 'butterflies'
Amazing! You're story is just that: Amazing! Did you know that it is estimated that only about 30% of people with AS graduate from high school? Did you know that the unemployment rate for people with AS is double that of the general population? Great statistics, but when you are living it it's not much help to know you aren't alone.
Another great book I highly recommend is, Asperger's on the Job by Rudy Simone. Some great ideas and very insightfull.
I too have had the job struggles and career changes seeking that elusive "fit". I think the problem, looking back on it for me was twofold: I was undiagnosed so I didn't know and employers are not accomodating/understanding to differences....really not much different than school.
You are absolutely right. You are successful in a job if you are liked, not if you do it well. It makes no sense, but that's how it is.
Thanks!
thanks prousseau. Been having issues with my supervisor who has been overly critical about my work. I decided to tell 2 bosses over them about my AS - they were fine about it. We were supposed to tell my supervisor yesterday, but hasn't happened yet. She accuses me of not listening, but I look like I'm not listening, and I don't absorb long verbal directions (I'm a visual person).
I managed to get through school - I was a geek and did well in most subjects. Life started falling apart for me when I had to venture out into the big wide world and try to support myself
Hi Baileybear, it's been 6 months since you last wrote, hope the job is going OK. I am over 50 and have always struggled with people and depression and communicating. I started out in the right job for me, computer programmer, but got promoted to manager and have had many failures dealing with people, and hence many jobs. I just started doing a Dip.Ed. to become a teacher and through studying about students with special needs I discovered that I had Aspergers which suddenly explained my whole life. I'm not sure if I'll continue with teaching or keep working with computers. I'm going to see and Adult Aspergers Psychologist in 2 weeks but at my age I think I have developed enough coping strategies to survive. Good luck and keep in touch.
Hi Charlie
I haven't been writing much on HP lately. Started a website about Asperger's & a couple of blogs (links on my profile page).
Job has ups & downs. I quite like the job but my supervisor has a very critical personality, which can be hard.
I didn't cope well with teaching because I am an extreme introvert and also because I was not very well at the time. Things I found hardest with teaching were the politics and things like remembering kid's names and keeping track of time.
At least if you go through with it, you will have some insight into any difficulties you might have.
Your life is seems to be a mirror of mine, except that I am only 32 and just two days ago recognized that my problems throughout life have been mostly Asperger's Syndrome. I have a Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering and have just recently got laid off after just 5 months of working. It was due to me not fitting in and my difficulty with concentration revolving around AS. I am thinking about lowering myself to a Mechanical Drafting position. I was also thinking seriously about teaching Special Education, but now that I read your blog I don't think I will. I don't know what to do.
I can relate to your article. I'm an Aspie and INTP with high visual and spatial intelligence, much like yourself, and I'm on the verge of losing a customer service job (still on probation) that was supposed to be my summer job. While I'm fully aware of my diagnosis, I still tend to size myself up to everyone else and I thought this was something I would be able to easily do because it paid minimum wage. Needless to say, I'm scrambling for something else and I will avoid this industry like the plague from now on.
Jennifer 23 months ago
A lot of what you wrote resonnates with my experience in the workforce. Customer service jobs were the staple of my college summers, but politics in any workplace was something I never understood. My favorite job was one where I could just shut the door to my office! Now that the kids are going to be in school full-time next year, I'm wondering what options are available.