Fired for Being Too Honest - Narcissist vs Asperger
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Impossible to Please
I was rather surprised I got the job as Science Technician at a private girls school. The head of department, Ms Ratchitt had been chilly, stiff-mannered and hard to read at the interview.
From the start, I sensed all was not well. Jayne, the other Technician was stressed and in conflict with Ms Ratchitt.
Ms Rachett sent mixed messages - ensure the parents did not complain, but the Technicians' health and safety didn't matter
Practically every attempt at communicating with Ms Ratchitt was futile. She would completely misunderstand/misinterpret what I said, oppose it and then just walk off mid-conversation.
I had been trying to save the fish from being poisoned in their own waste. A staff member came to adopt some fish. "Just leave us a couple of pretty blue ones," I said.
Ms Ratchitt marched in and scolded me like I was a disobedient little girl, "You can't say leave the pretty fish! He can take whichever fish he want!" Her tone was harsh.
I just started at her in disbelief. It was the last day of the term I went to leave. My car wouldn't start - the battery had died. I sat in my car stuck at school and cried.
I couldn't win. If I had said "Take the pretty fish" I would have been scolded.
The Gilded Prison
Nasty Politics
I was observing more carefully and noticed that everyone struggled to communicate with Ms Ratchett, but they would defer to her (or at least pretend to). I also noticed that the two teachers with the most "popular" and charming personalities brown-nosed Ms Ratchitt. They were her clear favourites.
I was disgusted. I didn't want to play those kinds of games to win approval.
A letter arrived from the Mrs Drone, the deputy principal. I was summoned to a meeting. I was not to sent any emails to Ms Ratchett and I was not to correct any teachers over any matter, as this was deemed disrespectful. I emailed Ms Ratchett because she was never in her office - she was frequently sneaking out to smoke.
Ms Ratchitt resisted change. She didn't like email. She even had an old video casette recorder just for her so she could play her videos. She wouldn't embrace new technology. She wanted to control me. I refused to be controlled.
I was summoned again to Mrs Drones office. It was urgent and they refused to wait. This time, I knew I was getting fired.
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Getting Fired
The formal sitting room was showy and stuffy. Ms Queenbie and Mrs Drone sat on cream sofas. I had barely spoken to Ms Queenbie, the principal. Each time I'd seen her, she was wearing a new expensive-looking designer outfit. Her bright coral lipstick framed her teeth. This time her saccharin smile was absent.
Without asking any questions, Ms Queenbie told me in her snobby, articulate voice that I was fired.
She accused me of making disparaging comments about the schools reputation. They twisted the words in my emails and technician forum comments to suit themselves.
As far as I could see, I was being attacked for my personality style and not conforming to their unspoken social code. They were unable to fault my work, just petty issues made into huge issues. How come I didn't get a warning? I was a victim of workplace politics and I was very upset at the injustice.
Sweet Revenge
I decided I was not going to roll over and submit and be swept under the carpet. The school underestimated me. I decided to make them uncomfortable.
From home, I rejoined the lab technician forum. I wrote:
I was fired yesterday because of my postings to this forum. My comments including "bucket chemistry" were misinterpreted as sloppiness and insults to my colleagues.
The overwhelming support was incredible.
The messages I enjoyed the most were the "public" ones ridiculing the school.
They wrote:
Bucket chemistry is a well-known description for what we do and can in no way be interpreted as sloppiness except by some overly-sensitive bureaucratic idiot.
Any individual or institution that does not understand what we do should not be in education.
Narcissists - Infatuation with Image
I was sent a letter from Ms Queenbie stating that my employment had been terminated for disparaging the school. My husband said that's just teachers getting the last word. We didn't think they would attempt suing me, as they would be investigated. 'Plus, it would be like getting blood out of a stone,' hubby said.
I've been an unintentional whistle-blower in many an organisation because narcissists have felt threatened by me. They know I see right through their bluffing and incompetence, so they attack my vulnerabilities. It is confusing and upsetting dealing with narcissists, because they are very devious and appear to be so wonderful to everyone else.
With my Asperger's Syndrome, I might be blind to social cues but have a built-in injustice/hypocrisy detector. Narcissists despise me because I see right through their superficiality. I am the canary in the mineshaft. I notice things are not right. Unfortunately the canary is first to die. Or when they finally notice it is too late.
Months later, we heard they settled out of court to a teacher that was assaulted by another teacher. Anything to avoid their name being dragged through the mud.
I took another job and quit because of toxic personalities.
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Thankyou for your comments. I have always been a bully magnet - I went from being a quiet mouse to being passive-aggressive to learning to be assertive, but it is still hard. My son finds it hard to stand up for himself too. I was fortunate that this job had not been filled yet - otherwise, I'd still be looking (being more picky about a good match). All the best with your search
I'm a high school teacher of 20+ years. I didn't start until I was 35. Yes, I can relate. Even the 'shy' students seem to want to pratice being 'assertively rude' to me. I only manage to be an award winning teacher by virtue of my extremely hard work, keeping students ultra busy, and having a great curriculum. I could never get by with just 'busy work' or teacher led class discussion in my room (as some other teachers do) as they'd all misbehave and ignore my behavior warnings. I would not win any popularity contests with the student, but I wouldn't be classified as a mean teacher either. I'm a softie. I am first to admit the students would learn more however if my personality allowed me to be a lot more assertive in controlling them. So I just stick to what I do best. I work very hard. I am glad my students work hard. I usually back down and minimize the student misbehaviors as the school administration often 'just sends the kid back to the room w/ no punishment ' if they misbehave to the point where they are sent to the office for discipline. Thanks.
when I was teaching, I had to put on an act to be assertive. It was exhausting and not the real me. I find the politics in schools so frustrating. I think I would have been a great teacher if it didn't suck me dry and if I could handle the politics. Teenagers are such hard work these days - can be openly rude. And management can be bullies too - so squeezed from all sides
Baileybear congrats!!!! I have been dying to read your story. I finally had the chance and it was sooooo worth it!! So many things about a horrible experience for you, turned out to be gratifying for you. You have a much better job, the crazy kids even had something to say about the teacher, and you stood your ground because you knew you were doing the right thing!! When you know something is right but people make you feel bad about it, they are the ignorant ones because they don't realize you knew more about the situation than they realized. For instance, they would rather the kids get burned than get wet. Not that they would want them to burn but they had to look good and act good and tell you how wrong you were doing everything when in fact, you were being a normal human being trying to protect and help others but they took it as you were just being a bad apple. They got burned in the end and they really deserved that lesson, hope they learned from it. Good job!!!! Great story!!! I'm glad you stuck to what you believed and you were right on!!!! Jess
I've got plenty more stories about bullying bosses up my sleeve. After all these years, I can finally make sense of it. Nope, they wouldn't have learnt a lesson - Ms Ratchitt would have made sure of that. Did you like the name I gave her - did you pick up on the hidden meaning in her name? Say it out loud, stands for two words - Rat .... They will feel justified in their actions. I think this scenario is common in the workplace unfortunately.
I didn't pick up on that but that is so funny. I didn't think that was the real name but was afraid to ask incase it was, because right there, she has issues..LOL. You're a real trooper! What doesn't break you, makes you stronger!! You told it perfectly...really great!! The weak are always mean. You might have thought you were weak but it's just that you are a good person but they have issues. I'm glad you got away from them.
I changed all their names. I heard the principal being referred to as Queen Bee a few times, so that's what I based her name on. And the Drone one because she was a drone clone accomodating the lies of the other two. Felt good writing about it
What wonderful names you've used, Baileybear! I was a student at an all-girls' private boarding school in the early 70's and remember the snotty attitude of both the administration and the students. I was a boarder-considered 'low class'-and the day students often wore their 'real' clothes on campus after school hours to show off their superiority.
I barely passed freshman biology, but still found your story fascinating. In fact, I looked up Asperger's Syndrome in the encyclopedia while reading it. Good for you, BB, for knowing you need to work in an environment with few people. But even though I don't think I'm an Asperger's sufferer, I find these sorts of politics unbearable and also cry very easily. I'm also aware of the hidden meanings of workplace interaction.
I'm glad you've found a better place for your obvious talents-congratulations!
Nice bub. I really enjoy your story. I think it was great and enjoyable working at the school. Thank you for share with us.
There is a politics in just about every job. And people can sometimes be very political, and possessive. When people who run some area in a business are very territorial, that can be tough. And then people play the "seniority" card, where they are working there the longest, and so if some rule favours people like that, they will play it to the nth degree.
I hope that your endeavors are more successful for the future. Great Hub! Cheers!
cheeky girl - yes, I notice the "senority" card being played in some places - some people bullied their way to the top. Lorlie - I agree work politics can be horrible to navigate even for people without Asperger's. Prasetio - not sure if you read my story - did you mean you enjoyed it, because I certainly didn't enjoy working at that school.
They booted you out but I'm sure they can't deny that you were a big loss to them, only, they weren't ready for change especially coming from a new recruit. You lost the job but you are not the loser. Glad all is well now.
thanks, Lita. I started a new job this week and have a lovely supervisor
I really enjoy this hub. Good luck with your new job and hope it goes smoothly for you, Baileybear.:)
thanks hubpageswriter. I'm hoping it all works out well
I have often thought about working in education, which is why I read this Hub. I sympathize with your story and enjoyed this Hub.
May I make one small suggestion, dont't use redundant adjectives, see following from your hub, "prepare SMALL batches in the SMALL, TINY autoclave"
The redundancys did make me chuckle a little, small, tiny bit. LOL
Antecessor - thanks for the tip - I didn't notice that. I'm sure I break lots of writing rules!
Antecessor - I couldn't find them! Will have to look another time.
"It is confusing and upsetting dealing with narcissists, because they are very devious and appear to be so wonderful to everyone else. I might be blind to social cues but have a built-in injustice/hypocrisy detector. Narcissists despise me because I see right through their superficiality. I am the canary in the mineshaft. I notice things are not right."
Spot on. Applies to family as well as office politics - I've been on the sticky end of both. And I think that I too suffer from a very mild form of Asperger's.
You're so much better off out of it - NO job is worth losing your integrity for or developing stress-related illnesses over.
Empress - yes, agree that it applies to family politics too. I've been on sticky end of that one too.
Have been in my new job for 6 months now - it's great having minimal contact with people
Congratualtions on your new job. You didn't do anything wrong, they did. You were their scapegoat but you came out smelling like roses. Good for you
Wintermyst - we saw a news report since about this school settling out of court for a teacher assaulting another teacher (99% women staff - pulling hair perhaps?). Typical of them to settle out of court so they don't attract too much media attention
wow, I wonder how certain people felt about that kind of media attention. Serves them right, I hope they get alot more of it. Bad attention anyway.
Wow, Baileybear, this sounds exactly like my situation from 2009 when I was forced to quit my job! My boss was constantly telling me to do this or do that and then the next day I wasn't supposed to do this or that, why didn't I know that? Then she treated her 'brown-nosers' like angels (where they didn't have to do their job, I had to instead, and then I got in trouble for not completing my job!) I was looking for a new job after I'd been there less than 6 months but ended up being there for 3 years cuz I couldn't find another job. My boss told me how her boss kept telling her to fire me, and then after SHE was fired, her boss told me she complained about me All The Time! Oh! And, my pre-employment test said my Communication Skills are top-notch, yet after my boss was fired the 'new' boss said my Communication Skills were insufficient! G!DD@!N Workplace Politics!!
As for the Narcissistic behaviors - now I get it. (thanks!!) These people are intimidated because they have no backbone! They're the ones with poor communication skills because they don't know how to address inconsistencies and errors in judgment other than to eliminate anyone who is capable of doing so.
D@mn! Of all things to be a victim of...I guess, though, I'm glad to finally hear why it's not my fault. I really like your attitude of "I refuse to be controlled." Excellent!! My new personal anthem! (Thank You!)
I think I'm beginning to understand the role of the Detector (I have it too) - Rather than be intimidated by those you detect to be guilty of injustice/hypocrisy/manipulations, stand up to them and fight back! It's the only way to maintain self-respect.
Congrats on the other job. :-)
Rafini - workplace politics!! I just had a terrible performance review by my supervisor - she rated my communication skills and other stuff as very poor (because I am not a fantastic orator, nor do I retain large amounts of auditory instructions). I was really upset, but I didn't think she expected me to challenge her. I told her I wanted to write a letter to attach to it giving my side. She had to agree (I'd already checked before hand whether she had to, so was ready to challenge her if she made excuses).
She's been a lot better since - not sure if it will last. She's not a really nasty piece of work like my last supervisor, but the narcissist attitude still comes through - I get the blame and criticised for every little thing that's wrong - she probably thought she could put me in my place and have me controlled, but all it did was lose any respect I had for her. I've been keeping my eye out for another job, but this past weeks been okay since standing up to her, so who knows?
Just an idea - here we have laws regarding Disabilities (such as: the employer must make reasonable accommodations) Asperger's is a disability that would be protected under the law. I would think Australia would have something similar...although, you may need a formal diagnosis.
Congratulations on standing up! And, Good luck! *_*
Rafini - My supervisor was being unreasonable, even without the AS - she expects me to never have to ask a question when she tells me something & I've done it once months ago. Auditory processing is my weakest learning style.
I told the two managers next up the chain about my AS, and they didn't have a problem with it. So had meeting with her and her boss and told her about the AS, and how it may look like I'm not paying attention at times, and how I need to take notes and will do much better if have written instructions to go with the verbal (not an unreasonable request for a person without AS, either).
I said mine is very mild compared to my son, but it does mean I express myself in a different way to most, but we're all different, and that's just the way my brain is wired. I emphasised that I am totally able to do the job - it's a partly a communication issue causing frustration & it takes 2 to communicate well - ie I'm doing my best and I'm not solely to blame. I said it's an invisible disability, but I don't want their sympathy, just a fair go.
She still had a go at me with the poor performance review. I stood up for myself about that - she couldn't really justify why she scored me so low - she's just trying to control me. Typical hypercritical micromanager.
Hope to write a hub about it in more detail.
Hey Baileybear. Awesome story and I was with you throughout because I believe myself to be somewhere on the Autism spectrum.
I really don't enjoy being around others for too long with all that hidden dialogue, unspoken communication, small-talk and politics plus all the lies 'normal' people tell in the course of their day.
I love performing tasks which are narrow and repetitive. The problem is I 'pass for normal' and thus far haven't found a doctor willing to refer me to someone who could diagnose me. It's very frustrating.
But yes, your story could have been mine and I would imagine, a lot of other people's as well. Are you still enjoying your new position? I do hope so cos you seem a fantastic person.
Jonathan - I've had some issues in new job - my supervisor is micro-manager. She's backed off a bit though, as I told new boss above about the AS.
I pass for normal, but quirky.
This is so familiar....Were you able to draw unemployment benefits after this, or did they appeal it?
donotfear - I thought it would sound familiar to your experience. I was 3 months into a 6 month probation, when they can get rid of you for not 'fitting'. I am not a citizen of Australia, so not entitled to unemployment benefit. I found another job.
Very wonderful! I am impressed with your tenacity!
Amanda - employers underestimate me. This quiet mouse has a bite!
Wonderful hub. It is very helpful. THanks.
Bravo to you for not rolling over when under attack. In some cases it is helpful just to understand these individuals are sick and twisted and just give them enough rope to hang themselves with. Hope your next job is better and less toxic.
Unfortunately my supervisor at following job was very hypercritical and toxic too. I'm starting a pet-sitting business instead now.
Had a similar thing happen... so glad I am not alone. Am deciding whther to take them to court for unfair dismissal.. I mean, one of their complaints was that I didn't make eye contact when my head spoke to me!!!! I explained I find that hard, but what do they care? I did a bloody good job,worked hard, showed up all their other teaching staff, the parents all thought the way I taught their kids was the great and kept asking me advice (another reason the staff hated me). I really want to get back to work but am very very scared it'll happen again. This has knocked my little bit of confidence badly, I feel sick whenever I think about going back into a situation where I could be bullied by the other staff again, it's been six months now. I get on fantastically with the kids, it's the other adults I have trouble with. Now I just sit home all day, bored until my kids get home from school, I don't want to see or talk to anyone in case I screw up and do whatever I did again. They've left me feeling like a freak. I hate having AS, I really do wish I could understand how I'm supposed to be and be like that. You know, they even tried to say I'd been on drugs because I smile too much and talk too fast when I was just being me. I've never taken illegal drugs in my life. Jeez, I'm not that bad!!!! I have a high IQ, fantastic qualifications and I can't hold down a job. What's the point of it all. Your story is great, I love your revenge.
Amanda C. 22 months ago
I too have had a similar experience. i love how you were able to "get back" in your own way. i have a great deal of difficulty defending myself. so the words don't come till later after i've been thinking about it a while. i hope that with time i will learn how to "give it back" when some one starts on me and how i handle situations. congrats on being able to find another job. i'm not so lucky.