My Dog with Epilepsy - Tears for Zoe
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Adopting Zoe
Zoe was the runt of the litter and the last puppy left - a totally black German Shepherd cross puppy. She had a few minor issues, like a little protrusion from her anus, that would hopefully improve, and an umbilical hernia. The problem with her anus did improve, and when she was spayed, the vet repaired the hernia. She developed an infection from the surgery which made her very ill, but other than that setback, she was happy and healthy.
She had the most beautiful, gentle nature - the type of dog that could be trusted with children, even though we didn't have any children yet. She loved to play and was never aggressive. She had floppy ears, soulful brown eyes and a long snout. Her ebony coat grew long and glossy, which gained her many compliments. She was very photogenic and loved posing for the camera.
We moved house and discovered the little girl next door was also called Zoe. She asked us, "Why did you call your dog Zoe?". We replied, "Because it's such a beautiful name."
We lived by the coast, and Zoe loved swimming in the sea. She was bowled by the waves the first time she went in, but after that, she worked out how to swim with the waves. We took her on holiday everywhere we went in New Zealand - she'd been to the top of the North Island to the bottom of the South Island. She experienced snow - she loved to try and catch snowballs. But her favourite place of all was the beach. She wasn't too impressed with horses on the beach though - I think she thought they were huge scary dogs.
She was happy, healthy and full of life. Her favourite toy was a Kong - we'd throw it and it would bounce this way and that, and she would skillfully catch it. She went to puppy class and did a dog obedience course, and was very easy to socialise and train. She walked at heel perfectly off-lead, and was very reliable in returning to us when off leash. She would gallop around a large park and always return.
She was a character. She liked to eat the apples falling off the apple trees in the back yard. One day the she ate some apples that were fermenting in the hot sun. She came inside, ran around in circles several times, then lay down and went to sleep - she was drunk!
Something is Wrong
The first sign anything was wrong was when I was returning from walking her in a park one wintry evening. Some plastic was tied to some string framing some grass and it was flapping in the wind. Zoe spooked - she jumped in the air erratically and was very nervy, which was unusual for her calm, unflappable temperament. I told my husband, Dave* about her unusual reaction, and said I was glad she was on her lead, as she could have darted across the road when she was frightened.
Zoe went off to sleep in a spare room. We were watching TV. We heard a loud crash coming from the spare room, followed by other bangs and crashes. We ran to investigate. Zoe was lying on the carpet - she was still. She had emptied her bladder, and there was a small lump of feces beside her. We thought she was dead, or dying.
We were panicking, "Oh no, maybe she's been poisoned?! Ring the vet!" Dave stayed with her while I grabbed the phone and fumbled trying to find the number for the after-hours vet. Dave was wailing, "she's dying....she's dying....she's dead..." over and over.
I was on the phone in the next room trying to explain to the vet the confusion taking place. Suddenly, I could hear Zoe barking. She's still alive! Dave came out and said Zoe was barking at him, like she didn't know who he was or where she was. We were running on adrenaline - were we running out of time, were we going to lose her.
The vet said that it did not sound like poisoning, but rather a seizure. He said to leave her be, and then talk to her calmly until she regained consciousness. It might have been a one-off, but it was likely she was developing epilepsy. He said canine epilepsy typically presents at around 12 months old - Zoe was 12 months old.
Experience of Epilepsy
We were relieved and concerned all at once. What does it mean for a dog to have epilepsy?
A school friend, Sophie had epilepsy after sustaining head injuries in an accident. She had tonic clonic seizures which were only partially controlled by medication.
I'd admired her bravery at school - she had brain surgery while conscious to try and correct a tremor in her arm. She said she was tired of people that said, "You were the girl that used to win swimming competitions." She was still a great swimmer, although not as fast. She had to learn to walk, talk etc after her accident.
She had seizures at school on occasion. She felt a siezure coming on and would try to alert the teacher. But then she was on the ground, muscles twitching and jerking and losing control of her bladder. If she was embarrassed about having seizures, she never complained about it.
I'd noticed she was avoided at school. I didn't have many friends at school either - I was a shy geek and socially awkward. I gave her a christmas card and invited her to youth group. We became best friends and she made many other friends in youth group. It was our social circle.
I remember feeling angry when favourite teacher of mine was dismissive talking about her, We were in a car travelling back from a language camp. She was discussing with some other students how her IQ had dropped from her accident - she was no longer one of the "brightest" students academically. My teacher said "She does have brain damage, after all." I felt like screaming at them, Stop talking about her like that! She has epilepsy - she's still a person! But the words wouldn't come out. I was trapped with them in the car - I couldn't escape. I sat there silently raging inside, and they had no idea how angry I was, as on the outside, I looked calm. But that was me - I didn't feel comfortable at the emotion of anger, so bottled it up.
I had heard of seizures in people and in rats but not in dogs. I looked up all I could on the Internet. We had an appointment with the vet the next morning. Zoe looked tired, but otherwise back to her usual self.
Diagnosed with Epilepsy
Zoe continued having seizures, and she was diagnosed with canine epilepsy.
The seizures were terrifying to watch - she hit the ground hard, thrashing violently, her jaw locked wide open with all her teeth exposed. She thrashed all around the room, not just jerking in the same place, like I've seen people do. If she seizured on concrete, she would often graze a hunk out of her chin or nose when she hit the ground. I can see how ignorant people concluded those with epilepsy were possessed - it was frightening to witness - something we never got used to.
When she stopped thrashing, she would lie very still, still unconscious. We would talk to her gently until she regained consciousness, but wouldn't touch her until she did. She was exhausted after a seizure. I read somewhere that a tonic clonic seizure is like running a marathon.
She started to become aware of when she was about to seizure - she would come and nuzzle us, wobbly on her feet - trying to tell us that she felt odd.
We had to administer medication daily and in increasing amounts. Zoe had blood tests regularly to make sure she wasn't receiving toxic levels. Within months, the vet informed us that Zoe was at the maximum allowable dose and she was one of the unfortunate cases not controlled by medication.
I'm not sure if it was the medication or the exhaustion from the seizures, but she lost her spark, and was like a zombie a lot of the time. Still very gentle, but she had a glazed look in her eyes, and was groggy probably from being drugged up.
When Zoe was around 2 years old, we found out that my old school friend Sophie died unexpectedly. She died in her bedroom during a seizure. My parents paid for me to fly back for her funeral, which was on Christmas eve. On her casket was a recent photo with long, dark glossy hair.
She'd been a courageous young woman, that had never felt sorry for herself - even when she couldn't achieve high grades anymore. She'd felt slightly irritated when many people had said things like "You're the girl that used to be brainy and wanted to be a scientist".
Sophie had enjoyed tramping and appreciated nature. She'd believed in God and had her own take - she believed it wasn't always necessary to go to church. She felt God was in nature and she felt close to God sitting on a rock somewhere in a forest or on top of a mountain with no people around. I liked her take on God. She wasn't judgemental and also wasn't hung up on religiously attending church like many of the people I had known from church. Our ex-youth group leader conducted her funeral service.
Worsening Seizures
Zoe's seizures were becoming more frequent and lasting longer. She was having a seizure almost daily, and sometimes twice a day.
I had to go to a teaching practice for my teaching diploma in the North Island. It was a travelling science road show, and while some aspects were fun, and the people supervising me were nasty - they weren't even teachers, so the whole experience was a joke. We were carting heavy equipment on and off a truck most days. We were wheeling a heavy trolley, and my foot became trapped under it, tearing the ligaments on the top of my foot.
I was glad to be flown home a week early, as I was glad to escape the nutty control freaks. I was also glad because Dave had been very distressed at Zoe's worsening seizures - she was literally climbing up walls and doors and then crashing to the ground - hard. She was frequently injured during seizures.
I wasn't able to drive with my injured foot, so I rested on the couch with Zoe. In the month I'd been away, she had gone downhill. She was weak and tired from having so many seizures. She'd lie beside me, sighing while I comforted her.
She was now having several seizures a day. We phoned the vet and asked what we should do. Was she dying? The vet said with each seizure, she suffers more and more brain damage, and yes, the end could be near.
We were in our bed and it was early hours of the morning. We could hear the familiar sound of her thumping of her seizuring in her kennel. Dave got up to check on her and invited her inside. She continued having seizures all morning. She was so exhausted, she couldn't even turn her paws up the right way so she could walk. We pulled her up into our bed. Zoe was whimpering and her eyes were big dark brown puddles pleading with us to take away her pain. We hugged her and sobbed. We knew she was dying. We phoned the vet back saying we had made our decision.
Alive to Experience Christmas only Twice
Losing Zoe
Dave carried Zoe into the vet. She was so weak. She'd had 12 or 13 seizures that day. We were sobbing. I was limping from my injured, badly bruised foot.
Another client asked what was wrong. They said they knew of dogs with seizures that improved with diet changes - some dogs have allergies, like gluten. If we had known this was a possibility months ago, we would have been willing to try. It was too late.
The vet administered the drug and Zoe slumped and relaxed in our arms - she was still warm, like asleep. At peace. Ever since I was a little girl, I'd believed in euthanasia to end a pet's suffering. We requested to have her body cremated.
She'd been like a daughter to us, and we were distraught at losing her. She died within a year of Sophie dying. She was just over 2 years old.
We couldn't find her Kong anywhere. She hid it in the garden before she died. It's like she knew she was dying.
Her ashes arrived in a cardboard box. We decided to scatter them at her favorite beach. It was a cold, grey day, when we scattered her ashes.
Be free, Zoe. Free from your pain. The sea connects everywhere, and where-ever we go, by the sea, we will remember you. You were so precious to us, the short time you were with us. Be free.
*names have been changed
**Santa photos by John Foster Images Ltd. Used with permission. (NB: colour fading from being in picture frames).
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Yes, bayoulady, we have one human child, and have had many pet children too. I shed many tears writing this. Zoe would be an old dog now had she lived. I even cried when our pet rats died - many people would be able to understand that. I've always had a connection with animals
Baileybear,
This is beautiful. I cried while reading, I was so touched by your emotional storytelling. Zoe was such a wonderful puppy. No one should have to go through what you and Dave and Zoe went through. The people who say that God only challenges you when you are strong and can overcome those challenges, they are truly strong people. I just want to say, "Why is the world so unfair?"
I have also marked this hub as useful, because I was writing a novel about living with epilepsy (I posted a few chapters, under the title Inside My Head). This has reminded me that epilepsy alters so much, especially the way other people look at you. All people should know how hurtful they can be to talk about someone the way you heard people talk about Sophie.
Glad to have found this hubnugget of deep emotion,
~AC
Thankyou AC - I cried while writing this. It was years ago, but still fresh in my mind and still very sad. Sadly I've heard people refer to people with mental illness in the same way.
Life has dealt me a lot of cruel blows - yes, it is unfair. But writing about is has been healing.
All the best with your novel.
Wishing you peace and lasting beautiful memories of your 'girls'.
Regards,
Kerry
Thanks Kerry43 - beautiful girls deserve to have lasting beautiful memories
I'm so sorry about your dog! This was an emotional hub and beautiful to read.
I have a dog named Cory with a similar story (Cory's Story). In fact, I blog about him at www.corysstory.com. Canine epilepsy is a horrible disease but it is possible to treat it. My dog is 13 years old and hasn't had a seizure in over 5 years.
Thanks rgarnett. Was tragic that she died so young.
r3bb - I wish we had known to investigate diet (she was on a so-called premium dog food). Interesting about the apple seeds. I found out my years of ill health were because of food sensitivities, especially to gluten. I have read on-line of dogs with epilepsy helped by diet. Of course doctors and vets seem ignorant about food sensitivities
Awww...this is so sad, yet so sweet because of the love I am reading. Animals can be harder to lose than some humans I know. We bond so much with them. This must have been so hard for you to write. It's so hard to lose a pet. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Seems like you have had your share of hard times but you always seem to pull through. Thank you for sharing this with everyone. Jess
I had a Keeshond with the same problem, We thought he'd been poisoned, but the seizures were epileptic ones. We had to put him down when he was seven; the more he seized....... the less like our dog he'd become; he became aggressive, well, I guess more than aggressive before I gave in and took him in. Very sad........ I am sorry for your loss........... she was beautiful! Kaie
Jess - I've always been more upset when a pet dies that when a person dies.
Kaie - Our dog only lived to 2 years - if she had lived to a ripe old age, it wouldn't have been so upsetting. We didn't have an aggressive stage with her fortunately. I suspect we could have gained some control of her epilepsy with diet, but we'll never know for sure.
So so sad I lost my cocker spaniel Lovejoy when he was 7 - he had epilepsy for 4 yrs controlled by drugs and yes he too knew when he was going to fit and would come and sidle up beside us. We used to sing him a little song that he loved and recognised and we could see him trying to focus on us all the time he was fitting. Losing a dog is heart breaking but you surely did the right and kind thing for Zoe - bless her.
thanks Juliette. Canine epilepsy is a cruel illness. We couldn't let her suffer anymore.
BaileyBear,
You are remarkable to write about this and then say it healed you. How very awesome~! Thank you. I have decided to keep posting my novel here online.
~AC
Hello Bbear, my condolences on Zoe's passing... you would not believe how much your Zoe looked like my Shadow... and Shadow had epileptic seizures also. The doctor said his seizures were probably the result of a head injury. We got Shadow when he was about four and he was quite shy at first. He became our best friend and the boy's protector, but we could tell he had been abused... lumps, scars and seeming head trauma.
Shadow's seizures were nowhere near as dramatic as Zoe's, but he would try to get to me when he felt them coming. I caught him slipping down the stairs on a few occassions and held onto him until the seizure passed. They were frightening and truly sad.
I'm sure they played some part in the deterioration around 15 years when I finally put him down... it is a very painful decision.
It's been about five years and I'm looking for a new Shadow to grow old with me...
thank you for your beautiful, heartfelt story...
AC Sutliff - all my hubs so far are memoir, and about very difficult experiences. Yes, I am finding it healing, and also the process of writing is enjoyable. This was the saddest hub I have written - I realised I still hadn't finished grieving for Zoe.
KKalmes - The vet said Zoe could have had a lesion on the brain since birth. We adopted a dog from a shelter at 9 mths - we called him Bailey (Baileybear - my pen-name). He is lab X and looks like Zoe, except tan/gold. His former name was Shadow. He came with a lot of baggage - fear aggression from being mis-treated, beaten, re-homed several times. I'll have to write his story too. He's 9 years now and doing well with us - although he was hard work at first
Wow, truly moving story. Thanks for sharing. I'm really speechless, but I suppose I can say at least: what you do have are the precious, happy memories of Zoe and the knowledge that she's no longer suffering so terribly.
Thanks, Benny. I've been enjoying reading your hubs too
As an animal lover I was very moved by your story. I'm sure you shed many tears as you wrote it. As a child I also had a little dog with epilepsy. It is very sad and heart breaking to watch. We have a little dog now who is named Clifford. We thought he had epilepsy also, but I finally figured out that the siezures only came after he was given heartworm medication. We were very happy to find out it was an easy fix. He is 9 now and still going strong. Blessings to you. I very much enjoyed your writing even though it was sad. I often wonder if animals can see God. They wouldn't be able to tell us because they can't talk. Maybe I am thinking a little "out there" but I just wonder sometimes.
Kristeen - nice to hear you were moved by my story. I've always had a connection with animals
yes, aguasilver. I think I may have already linked back to his site. It's certainly something I would have liked to have tried, but I didn't have that knowledge back then.
I share your tears, as I just returned from The humn society who put my dog down after 15 years f owning him. He also had seizures, started 3 days ago and went from 2 to 6 to one every other hour. I gave him the drugs and he would just walk into walls and ignor my calls. It was a hard decision, yet unselfish decision not to allow this to go on. I believe I had an angle looking over me ( my guilt ) as when we pulled into the clinic my dog layed down and fell asleep. The doctor said he was tired and he was dieing. So at least I know he was ready and I gave him 15 wonderful years. The tears still flow, because he also gave me 15 wonderful years. I miss him.
Bill, our dog was drugged up to the eyeballs since she was 12 months until she died a year later. I believe in euthanasia - I hate to see animals suffer
Just read your story, so sad Zoe was a beautiful dog and so young, We have a 11 month old collie called Meg, she had a bad seizure last night lasting nearly 10 minutes, i have never experianced this before and was almost histerical thinking she was dying phoned the vet in the middle of the night who explained all, vet has put her on Phenobarbital
Seizures are scary, aren't they? Unfortunately, our dog didn't improve with medication. Apparently food allergies eg to gluten can trigger seizures, so worth investigating
Your story about Zoe touched my heart. You went through so much as we all do with our seizure pets. My beautiful Carin Terrier named Oakley left us yesterday at age 6. He was a sweet, gentle, loving little boy who would howl when he saw people as if to say hello. Oakley never did anything wrong and loved his family unconditionally. Over the years he had his share of health issues, pancreatitis, elevated liver levels, arthritis in the knees due to luxating patella, but we over came all these obstacles with flying colors. A special kibble blend along with cooked chicken, pork and hamburg controlled his pancreatitis, glucosamine tablets and chews helped his knees greatly and his liver was monitored as we went along. In January 2011 his first seizure was a facial seizure, grand mal seizures followed. He was hospitalized at a refferal hospital nearby for almost a week until they got the seizures under control. He was limited on seizure medication due to the liver and pancreas so he was put on Keppra. We could never get through a full week without a seizure. One day he was running to greet a neighbor and torn his toenail that resulted in a bandaged foot and bottles of antibiotics and pain medication. The antibiotics weakened his seizure medication and resulted in more seizures. Then on a check up we were informed his foot was infected and he was put on more antibiotics. We saw seizures every 48 hours - His medication was increased. Once the antibiotics stopped we made it through 5 days without seizures. Then the cluster seizures began. I read about Potassium bromide (KBr) and called another refferal hospital to speak with their neurology team. They wanted me to come in and give Oakley an MRI at $2500. This wouldn't change the way I wanted to manage his care, so I declined. They wouldn't even put me through to the neurologist as they wanted me to come in for an appt at $200 for a consultation. I was already working with a refferal hospital and I desperately wanted to try KBr in addition to the Keppra. Two days ago Oakley suffered a normal seizure at 11:15am. He slept the day and night away...this was something we hadn't seen before. He generally bounced back quickly. The next day I heard a crack on the tile floor along with scratching. I knew this wasn't good. There was our little boy paddling desperately and his bladder let go, his head must have hit the tile hard which is the sound I heard and his nose was bleeding. After the seizure ended he was lifeless and lying in a pool of urine. I thought he was gone. I gently spoke to him and he came to. I bathed him and wrapped him in a towel until dry. Another seizure followed about an hour later...he was shaking, fell to his side and awoke on his belly, lifeless - front legs stretched out forward - back legs stretched behind him, he got up and was bumping into the walls and chairs. I learned that the referral hospital I was working with felt he was not a good candidate for KBr as it can damage his pancreas. I felt trapped. Overall, we were gone all day at work and school and our little Oakley was on his own for 7 hours each day. He could hurt himself during a seizure. He needed continuous care which we could not provide. I second guess the brain tumor theory as this may have well been the case. We know now he is a peace and he is better.
Pam - such a sad story. Our dog didn't have scans, but had the medication monitored with blood tests. The meds did nothing for her but drug her up. I wish I had known about allergies and could have tried diet eg gluten-free - many people have reported success with seizure control with diet - whether humans or pets.
We had a pet rat that had seizures very young. The vet said that brain lesions with rats are very common because they are so in-bred (dogs are very in-bred too).
Hi Bailey Bear,
I've never posted anything on the internet before, but I'm glad I did. You were there...listening... and I thank you for that. This is my fourth night without Oakley and it's very hard to come home at the end of the day. You said all the meds did nothing but drug up Zoe...I felt that way too. Oakley was vibrant before this happened and I hated to see him in a fog. I practice a gluten free diet and I tried to be as organic I could with Oakley from the get go, but he developed pancreatitis anyway. I think it was due to the Canadae kibble we fed as the breeder recommended it. I later learned it had a large fat content that he could not digest. He was put on PetID for Gastrointestinal Health along with boiled chicken or pork or hamburg just to spice it up and he was much better. I feel I gave up too soon...you lasted two years with Zoe. I was afraid to leave him alone and 7 hours each day is a long time to be unsupervised with epilepsy. I did have someone come in a check on him, but they could only do it a couple days a week and they didn't stay long...a 1/2 hour at best. I hope I did the right thing. This is a terrible disease that took our beautiful boy away.
Thank you again for listening. You are a special person.
Pam
Pam - Zoe might have failed to respond to any intervention. I learned from someone that posted here that apple pips can cause seizures in dogs. Zoe was fond of munching on the apples that fell of the apple tree in the garden
She was ill for a year and rapidly getting worse. The first year she was fine, except for a post-op infection after she was spayed. Epilepsy is such a terrible disease/condition. My school friend died from her epilepsy years after her brain-injury. The vet said Zoe could have been born with a lesion on the brain. It's something we'll never really know.
We adopted an older puppy after Zoe - he looked very similar, except he is gold/tan. He had a fear-aggression problem from being beaten as a puppy. He was hard work to rehabilitate. We were told to put him down on a few occasions. Bailey is a well-adjusted senior dog now
Hi Bailey Bear,
Yes, it is possible that Oakley might have failed to respond to any intervention we may have tried. He had a delicate system and we had to be careful on what he was taking and was fed. As you mention, Zoe was rapidly getting worse and it would be the same with Oakley. Co-workers with epilepsy experience tell me that there was something else wrong with our little boy and that the Keppra should have worked more than it did. I too suffered a brain injury due to a skiing accident in 2003. The recovery was long - the searing pain from the swelling is unforgettable. I didn't want my little boy to suffer with headaches and lethargy from something that would never improve. The weekend is here and it is hard to wake up on this sunny spring morning without him. You are a very dedicated individual - keeping this site going and adopting a new friend that had a horrible life early on. I tell my friends and co-workers about you - please know you are helping me though this every day.
Pam - I am glad that sharing my sad story is helping someone. We won't forget Zoe, and we are glad to have helped Bailey - he had been re-homed several times and surrendered before we adopted him at 9 months old - he didn't even know how to sit. I hope to write his story at some stage.
I hope you do write Bailey's story. There is too much cruelty upon animals in this world and for what?? You have made a difference in his life and never gave up on him. Now he is well adjusted in a loving home. I often think back 6 years ago when we brought Oakley home and through all his issues, I'm thankful that we were the family that was blessed with him.
Pam - we moved from New Zealand to Australia & Bailey's airfare cost more than my family's fares. We were told we were silly to waste money on a dog. But he's part of our family. He got a tumour within a year of moving over and the vet was afraid it was cancer, but it turned out clear.
I don't ever think we "waste money" on our dogs. That is not in our vocabulary. You certainly have had rough road with Bailey. I didn't know about the tumour. Oakley's vet bill in the referral hospital was quite high as he was in ICU for 5 out of the seven days - with 4 nurses, then 3 then 2 - he had 24 hour care. Can I ask you if there was someone home with Zoe? Was she left alone like we would have had to do with Oakley?
Pam - Bailey's old now, so if he gets cancer or something, we will let him go if he is suffering.
We both worked, so Zoe was home alone during the day. Even in the middle of the night, she would have seizures, sometimes resulting in a chunk out of her lip or nose.
During her last week, I was there, as I was home with an injured foot. She needed constant reassurance with all the extra seizures, as was exhausted and confused.
It's the instinct in all of us to let them go when they are suffering. The referral hospital I was working with told me Oakley is considered a seizure pet and should be supervised during the day. They suggested we leave him with a family member or friends but they were all at work or away in a warmer climate for the winter (we are in the States, Boston, Massachusetts). I understand where they were coming from - they wanted to get to the bottom of this and strongly recommended an MRI. If we just could have got the seizures under control without over medicating, I would have hung on - but they were never under control and Oakley was so small with a delicate system. I know I will beat myself up for a while. A friend suggested that I cut up old comforters and bring them to the local animal shelter. So I did.... I washed and stitched the edges or each cut piece today and will deliver them soon - it felt good to do something for our furry friends.
Hi Baileybear, I know how you feel i just lost one of my dogs two years ago and just wrote a hub about her which bought back all the memories of her, it is just like losing a child .Sorry for your loss of your sweet Zoe ,
vote up !!!
Pam - ever since I was a young child, I didn't want my pets to suffer. I'm fine with euthanasia.
I saw a sad video clip on-line of a dog in the Japan disaster looking out for another injured dog.
kashmir - pets can be very loved members of the family. Some people can't understand that though.
Sometimes we can't fix what's broken, but we go on to help others.
bayoulady Level 1 Commenter 22 months ago
So heartbreaking ,and I concur, sometimes a pet fells like one of your children you love them so much.
A beautifully written hub.