Why I'm Considering Homeschooling my Child with Asperger's
82My Son
Invisible Disabilities
My son is 7 years old and has "invisible" disabilities. He has been diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome (an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, ASD) and Tic Disorder. He has auditory processing and sensory issues. He also has ADHD and OCD features. He's a kid in a complex syndrome mix.
Public school is stressful for him on many levels. He is unable to recognise social cues which makes interpersonal interaction difficult. He is "geeky" and advanced intellectually, but behind his peers emotionally and socially. As a result he finds it hard to make friends and is targeted by bullies.
People with Asperger's Syndrome are blind to the unspoken cues that other people learn intuitively - they don't read hidden meanings in body language, tone of voice and sarcasm. They are trusting and naive. They can learn social and communication skills, but these are acquired on an intellectual level. When he was diagnosed, I learnt I have Asperger's too. The main difference is that I learnt to disguise my disabilities and I was a compliant, quiet child.
He is not extremely introverted like I am. He desires to be social and have friends and it breaks my heart when he is despairing sometimes. We have to work hard to try and teach him meanings of tone of voice - he has to acquire this skill intellectually. He doesn't realise he often provokes people with a demanding or rude tone of voice, and he can't tell if people are irritated or angry.
He is very sensitive to sensory stimuli like noise. He used to scream at the sound of hand-driers. Schools are noisy environments. In class he has difficulty focusing on what the teacher is saying, because he has difficulty shutting out nuisance noise. The noise in school is overwhelming for him.
He is rigid-minded and doesn't cope with change, like having a relief teacher. He has very loud reactions to real and perceived slights and screams loudly. He even flies into a rage at times. He has a low frustration threshold and has meltdowns over seemingly nothing.
I found that food additives made undesirable behaviours worse and when he eats a typical diet, he is oppositional defiant and raging for many hours a day - very stressful. Changing his diet to remove problem chemicals has been a life-saver. I found I am sensitive to many of the same chemicals.
He is in his third year at school and things are getting harder. The content is getting harder and he is realising he is different from the other kids. He gets bullied frequently, and I have been a constant thorn in the school's side to try and get the bullying resolved. Their "zero tolerance" policy was all talk and no action.
One of the bullies didn't back off until I talked to him. I wasn't supposed to. I saw him one day by himself and made a request from him in a 'don't mess with me' tone of voice, "You're harassing my son? Please, don't. Leave him alone. I don't ever want to hear your name mentioned again. Thanks."
The two key offenders have now backed off, but it is too late. My son hates school. He was so excited about first going to school, because he loves to learn, but school has failed him.
Exploring Other Options
We looked at transferring to another public school, but he will still have his disabilities in a new school. His current school is trying to work with us, but all the politics takes time. All schools have bullies - anyone that doesn't think so is deluded, in my opinion.
We applied for private school (even though we couldn't afford it). He was rejected. I found out that this school had no students on the autistic spectrum. They cherry-pick their students to make their school look good. Would be terribly embarrassing for them if my child had a melt-down (mega tantrum).
We were recommended medication. I haven't ruled it out completely, but my husband and I are reluctant to put him on medication with unknown long-term effects at such a young age. Especially when his stress is confined to school (but he brings his irritability home).
Things Getting Worse
Recently my son was injured during a restraint at school. A bully spat in his face, so he screamed loudly. The school management were called and focused on my "non-compliant" child who was screaming. They "shepherded" him to the office. Like me, my son has as strong sense of justice. He thought it was unfair he was being punished for the bully's actions (again). He flew into a rage.
We addressed the school about his injuries - as far as we could see, they restrained him because they were embarassed at his screaming. The principal was very confrontational and aggressive about "how dare we accuse them of doing that - he did it himself throwing himself against the wall." They are lucky we didn't press charges after we got an apology from the person that inflicted the injuries.
The school finally started listening to us and were receptive to helping us. But it was already too late.
Recently, things have gotten so much worse. After getting ground down by bullies for nearly a year, my son snapped. A child pushed him and called him names. My son lost control and flew into a rage and punched the other child in the face 3 or 4 times - hard.
Both boys were given a detention and my son returned to school. He had a tiff with his one and only friend in the sandpit during play, and was upset so hid under the slide in the playground. A girl went up to him and told him that she was going to dob him in. Like a frightened, cornered, wild animal, he flew into a rage again and punched her in the head. He was suspended. Apparently the boy received a black eye, and the girl had three raised knuckle-marks on her head. Inflicted by my typically sensitive boy that does not have malicious intent.
He has been suspended a few times by throwing a toy at a teacher in the playground and swearing at a teacher (both sand-pit incidents). Both because teachers that did not know him ordered him out of the sand-pit. He refused, so he was given an order. He felt like he was being unfairly treated, so reacted. He hasn't learnt to hide his emotions - they are out there for everyone to see.
He can punch hard as he has been learning self-defense. He broke the code by fighting other than as self-defense and is at risk of being thrown out. It will be sad if this happens, because learning a martial arts has been so helpful in helping him learn discipline and self-control. The values at the martial arts club are much better than anything he's ever learnt at school. He has never had a melt-down in his martial arts class, but has numerous meltdowns at school.
Previously though, it was a lot of noise and taking his rage out on objects, like the wall. But we are deeply concerned that he has now attacked students (and not just worried about assault charges being laid).
When my son was home on suspension, he was happy and relaxed. I worried about sending him back because he is a danger to other students. The school did not keep him safe from bullies and now other students are unsafe.
I am worried about his mental health. We have had a few occasions when he was deeply depressed (because of school) and that is a huge concern.
Injured During Restraint at School
Outsiders Think They Know Best
We've had so many people giving their opinion. Some are understanding as have an ASD child themselves. My mother-in-law who has had hardly anything to do with him was in denial about his diagnosis (and she is a teacher and works with special needs children).
Others say change school because the teachers must be useless. My son actually has excellent teachers that are trying their best to help my son. But even the best teachers would find children like mine a struggle to accommodate, especially as they have other children to teach also.
The school has not always made the best decisons. They should not have restrained him just for making a loud noise. A teacher at preschool restrained him when he was screaming, and she ended up with bruises all down her legs from his kicking. We have told them not to restrain him - he will not run anywhere, and restraining makes everything worse.
To be fair to schools, they do not have the time or skills to know about all disorders that children may present with - but I was surprised at just how little managment knew about autistic spectrum disorders. I think they should be taking more notice. I asked on several occasions if he might have Asperger's or something related, and they would say things like, "no, but he's very rigid-thinking....no, but he has moods and doesn't have any friends....no, but he had a tantrum that went in waves for two hours."
We get judged by others on a frequent basis. We've learnt to ignore those who think my husband and I are bad/useless parents when our son gets out of control. These people (including family) don't realise the incredible effort my husband and I make to help our son - diet is not easy, but it helps him immensely for example.
I'm sure we get judged for being overprotective and then for not watching our son enough. Some will judge us as not being strict enough, but we have learnt to choose our battles. Other parents of ASD children will relate. My husband and I don't care what people think anymore. We are trying our best to make the most with the hand we were dealt. We don't know what the future holds. We are taking it one day at a time.
It is hard for people to understand "invisible" disabilities like my son has, as he looks "normal" a lot of the time. I understand first hand what it is like to have an "invisible" disability as I am affected too.
Family not understanding is frustrating. My parents visited recently. I had given them firm instructions not to judge. My father said we need to "discipline him more". He was really freaked out when our son had a melt-down. The authoritative parenting style my father used when I was a child only makes things worse with a rigid-inflexible-explosive child like mine.
Considering Homeschooling
I had plenty of pre-conceptions and fears about homeschooling. I worried that maybe it was wrapping him up in cotton-wool and not giving him social opportunities. But the torture he endures just putting up with a day of school with his disabilities is not making him able to learn curriculum or social skills.
I worried about feeling trapped and my ability to cope. But my son is a lot more relaxed with his parents and in safe environments where people accept him. School is not a safe environment. I have a carer that understands my son and he can go to her for a few hours a week to give me a break.
I worried about finances. I have a rare part-time job opportunity lined up that I would need to turn down. But we can figure something out. We can survive - we always do.
Today I phoned the Brisbane School of Distance Education. They said we could get a waiver from paying fees on the grounds of disability. They have around 150 ASD children on their books who were too stressed in mainstream school to learn anything. They can tailor a program to suit my son's individual needs and will provide access to a learning support teacher, social opportunities and support for me. It is flexible, and my son can go at his own pace, including advanced in some subjects is he is able.
The other option is to apply to homeschool out of the school system entirely. This will allow freedom and flexibility, but I doubt this is a good option for us as I struggle with organisation etc. Why completely re-invent the wheel when someone has developed a good program that is flexible to his needs? Then I can focus on presentation and application rather than content. It also means staying in the school curriculum, so if he wants to try school again, he will be able to.
Information packs are being sent out for us to look at. A teacher friend on Face-book said she was very impressed with distance learning in Australia - very comprehensive.
I was fearful about trying homeschooling, because I suffer from mild Asperger's myself, and wonder if I will be a poor role model for himself. But then again, no-one understands my son like I do - I know first hand what it is like to suffer from sensory issues and to find social interaction stressful. My husband agrees that if we are to try it, we will both do much better on the structured program. Fortunately, I do not have rage issues, and I am able to be objective and persevere. I am also a creative, flexible thinker and open to trying new things to see what works and what doesn't.
I have no doubts about my academic ability. I have a science degree and a teaching diploma. But I am too sensitive to work with chemicals and I became disillusioned with teaching- it was so wrong for me on so many levels. I taught some troubled teens, and even though they drove me nuts at first, they responded to my unconventional approach and were really upset when I left. I was constantly frustrated at the school's unwillingness to help these children that were marginalised. I taught private music too, but thses students were "easy" to teach, because they wanted to learn.
My son is an unconventional kid and he has an unconventional mother. The only way we will know if it works for us is to give it a go.
My son is a 'little scientist' like me and is currently fascinated with tornadoes. We borrow lots of books from the library. I think he has learnt more from me and teaching himself that at school anyway. And he is to stressed at school to apply any social skills. He has special interests like trains, so we can do maths problems etc using trains as examples. He can also learn things by doing everyday life skills like preparing meals etc. Ultimately, I hope my son can grow up independent and able to look after himself, self-esteem intact.
It would be financially hard (as opposed to me working part-time), but I am worried about my son's mental health (his anxiety levels are through the roof - all because of school). I know I will have to make special effort to get out and about so he has opportunities to practise social skills.
Of course, I need to consider my mental health too. My son of the oppositional rather than compliant 'flavour'. He's arrogant and rigid. Very hard work to parent and it is not my preference to home-school him.
But the idea is growing on me more and more. I don't want my son beating up other children because he is constantly at breaking point. I belong to support forums with other parents with similar children.
My son brings his irritability home after the stress of being at school. His principal observed that he is freaked out by the sound of children overwhelming him - he is like a frightened animal all the time at school. He is more oppositional and rigid when stressed. He was refusing to do something at home, and my husband asked, "and you want to home-school him?" I said, "No, I don't want to, but do you have a better solution?"
I am investigating transferring him to another school that has a special needs teacher that is experienced in accommodating children on the autistic spectrum.
Homeschooling My Son
PROS
| CONS
|
|---|---|
I know how my son ticks better than anyone
| career and financial sacrifices - turn down job opportunity, may never buy house
|
I have tertiary qualifications including teaching diploma
| risk of carer's burnout
|
My temperament - calm, objective, perservere
| may have to sell car
|
I am flexible, open-minded, creative
| I have mild Asperger's - may not be best role model for social skills
|
I am knowledgeable about many subjects
| Will be my full-time job - will need to be more organised/disciplined
|
Quiet, safe environment - less stressful for my son
| Pressure on my husband being sole income earner
|
Can focus on extending him using his special interests
| other people judging
|
Can focus on life skills and social skills
| may be hidden costs
|
I have control over choice of social interactions
| might feel trapped or resentful
|
A tailored program with support is available
| children don't like listening to their parents
|
No morning battles to get uniform on etc
| not sure if I have the energy to handle his oppositional personality 24/7
|
husband wants to work less hours - at risk of burnout too
|
Keeping Him in Mainstream School
PROS
| CONS
|
|---|---|
I can work part-time and we can work towards buying house
| School is incredibly stressful for him
|
I get a break from my son
| Not the best place to learn social skills
|
school provides resources
| Special needs support inadequate
|
he needs to learn to take instruction from other people
| He is at breaking point - taking it out on people
|
I can just do parenting role, not teacher role
| He has rage issues made worse by frustration and stress
|
access to special needs services within school
| Unrealistic to expect school to be expert on my child
|
home is reserved as a safe sanctuary
| He is not learning anything, because shutting down
|
would be better if could transfer to school with special ed unit
| Getting bullied is destroying him
|
I have grave concerns for the state of his mental health
| |
burn-out from working part-time, raising a challenging child and home responsibilities
| |
Child-care fees - before/after school
| |
School doesn't accommodate my son's special requirements
| |
Not much time, energy to learn essetial social and life skills
| |
He has not been eating his food at school lately - anxiety
| |
may need medication to help with anxiety
| |
having to constantly fight with school for his entitlements
|
Considering the Options
I think my son would enjoy being home-schooled (and would probably abuse it, trying to play all the time etc). I doubt my capacity to cope with him 24/7. I think I would feel resentful giving all my energy to caring for him. I don't enjoy being "trapped" at home. I'd rather be out of the home working part-time.
We are still pushing his school to work out some accommodations for him (like a quiet place to retreat to when overwhelmed) and will consider medications for anxiety, even though not keen.
When caring for a special needs child, the parents must take care of themselves. Like in an emergency in an airplane, the need to put their own mask on first and then their child's, otherwise, they both go under. Having either parent going under means the whole family goes under.
We will talk to more professionals like my son's psychologist before making any major decisions.
I have made enquiries at another school that is setting up a special education unit in the new year so they can separate children with intellectual disabilities and other special needs. The deputy principal said there is already one Asperger child in every grade 2 class and it would be more likely to be a successful transition if he were to start next year. Then he would be able to have some school time in the special ed unit and some time in mainstream class.
Talking to the Psychologist
The psychologist (one that specialises in ASD) thinks he would be better off not going to school at all, than continue to go to this school that has acted so slowly that it has completely failed him. She thinks that for a non-violent child to lash out to that extreme means he is under extreme stress. His anxiety is tied up with school.
She thinks he should not go for one day longer, and I agree with her.
She also thinks I should take up this rare job opportunity.
The other school that is more 'switched on' about Asperger's recommends he starts in the new year rather than now, to increase the chances of a successful transition (when their special needs unit is ready). We can enrol him now if we wish, but they already have one Asperger's child in each class, and each class is at capacity. Do we take the risk?
So what to do for now? We could get a waiver on distance education fees because of disability. But who would homeschool him? I would only be able to do a little in evenings and weekends if I'm working. Hubby might be able take some leave and do some.
Could we hire someone to come and do some housework?
I can talk to our carer and see if she can have him full-time. Perhaps she could supervise him working on his schoolwork for an extra fee? Or hire a tutor? It would cancel out most of my earnings though.
Both sets of grandparents have offered to have him sent back to New Zealand, but I know parents and son will not handle extended time apart. A grandparent offered to stay for a while, but I don't think that would work, because of treading on each other's toes. Plus, we don't have the same values as our parents.
I didn't send him for the last week of the school term. He had a few weeks off and was much more happy and relaxed. There were a few meltdowns when we were doing a food chemical challenge for an EEG (to see if seizures are contributing to rage). We were walking on egg-shells, but his meltdowns are not as terrible as they used to be, now that he has gained some body mass.
We still plan to keep him off additives. My parents let him have two drinks of cola when they were visiting (they think it is a grandparent's right to spoil their grandchildren). My son had a meltdown that evening. But my husband and I had to deal with it.
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What we've decided to do
We decided to change schools. We are willing to take the chance with a new school had has more knowledge and understanding about Asperger's Syndrome. I have talked to the principal and deputy principal and they sound like they know what they are talking about. They said there are no guarantees, and that it might not work. I realise that it could fail, but my son is looking forward to a fresh start. He was fine in school until bullies ground him down and the school refused to do anything about it. They failed him. They refused to listen to me until it was too late.
He's due to start next week. It means I will have to change carers - two big changes in a short-time.
I start the new part-tme job the week after. It is a rare opportunity working for a publishing company. An introvert's job - made for me.
It might not work. But then again it might. We won't know until we try.
Update
We had an interview with the principal and special needs teacher at the school we want him to go to. The principal observed that he had an impressive school report, with high achievements in science, reading, mathematics and music. He would like to take our son.
Unfortunately, the only teacher he has available for the rest of the year is an authoritative-style old-school teacher, which they say will likely end in disaster with our inflexible-easily frustrated child. I totally agree with them. I appreciate their honesty and am impressed at how much they know about children with Asperger's.
They will be better equipped take him at the beginning of next year - can match him up with the right teacher etc. They can arrange some times for him to transition to school in the meantime - be involved in school swimming, come for socialisation etc until then.
In the mean-time I don't want to start him at another school and have him suffer another bad experience. My current carer who has a way with my child is able to care for him 4 days per week until then, so I can work. We have enrolled in distance education. The special needs teacher at the public school is willing to help us out with websites and strategies at home to help him adjust better to school life. I was impressed at how much she knew about helping my child. She said if the carer lets him do 15-20 minutes of school work and then plays and then repeats the cycle that would work best. But only what she can without ruining her relationship with him.
Exactly what I had in mind. I can tutor him on the 3 days I am not working. We had to get a medical certificate to apply for waiver of fees.
I would be expensive and inconvenient in the short-term, but if we can make the transition to a good school a successful one, we can have 5 years of success until we have to consider high school options. A child in my son's Taekwondo class that has Asperger's has adjusted very well to that school. I am impressed at how much work they are prepared to do behind the scenes to help kids like mine succeed.
It has been stressful sorting everything out. I start work next week and I'm sure we will be in for a crazy ride, until we adjust. I'm sure we will manage and something in place that suits all of us.
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thankyou for your comments. I think schools are terrible examples of social interaction. In my son's martial arts class, they practise values of mutual respect, discipline, etc.
I survived school, just. Didn't survive being a high school teacher though - too much politics, people contact etc. Maybe my teaching qualification won't be a 'waste' after all?
I imagine your son has already shown that he doesn't learn social skills by imitation of his peers. Even if he was able to pick them up through modeling them it seems the skills he is observing at school are not ones you would like him to copy anyway! My vote is for the structured program available to you. Why try to go from scratch making up your own while you go along when a good program is available, I would however, do some research on ways to teach social skills. There are structured programs here in the states to do just that. look into something called 'social stories', they worked quite well with some students i taught over the years I taught children with autism.
yes, I've heard about social stories, but not yet tried them. He definitely doesn't pick up social skills by osmosis - he doesn't even register tone of voice. And you're right - the other children don't model great behaviour anyway. We are going into school tomorrow. I am apprehensive wondering if another kid is going to cop it. We are seeing the principal before school.
hi,
i grew up a very very shy person and was bullied constantly for it. one incident in high school i remember like yesterday, the quarter back for the foot ball team got mad because i refused to talk to him. he slammed me into the cafeteria windows. a teacher stood by and did nothing. she didn't even come help me up or assist me in getting the rest of the foot ball team out of my way so that i could go to the nurses office. then the teacher reported that i broke the window. the pricipal called me in and said he would call my parents to let them know that they have to pay the damage. i argued with him and told him the quarter back assualted me. he looked at the tape(every room but the bathrooms had cameras.) he let me go out of his office without punishing the quarter back. this kind of bullying happend to me alot. as an adult i went to seek help as to why i was so shy and never talked. i found out that i have social phobias as well as other mental disorders. so those kids bullied me so vicously for something i had no control over. which makes it that much worse for me to heal. if i were you, i would homeschool any children i have. not just the ones with disabilities. any child can quickly become a target of a bully. i'll let you know that the bullying i went through has only made it that much harder for me to overcome my disabilities. plus none of the teachers ever helped me. so this has made it difficult for me to trust people that are supposed to be there for me. now you have school shootings happening all of the time because too many kids feel so powerless against these bullies and like things are never going to get better. school is way to dangerous. i wouldn't go back if someone offered me $20million. what was school like for you? did you ever face what your son and so many of others do? if so think how bad it made you feel and then think of your sons disability amplifying the affect of that feeling even more. then make your decision on what to do.
yes, bullying is pyschologically damaging. That is terrible what happened to you. My son is a bully magnet because he is 'different'. I agree schools can be very dangerous places - there was a boy killed recently in Australia because another student stabbed him. Bullying happens in the workplace too. I endured much psychological bullying/abuse. I've been fighting with the school to sort the bullies out and keep my son safe. Now other students are not safe from my son. He goes back to school today after a suspension. I am very apprehensive. My son would not be easy to homeschool because he is oppositional, but I am thinking I don't really have any other choice?
I did not read the other comments, but i think it might be a good decision to homeschool him until he is ready for high school. Then, maybe you can make the choice of public school together.
High school terrifies me more than primary school. Escalating violence etc. He is emotionally and socially immature (but intellectually advanced) - fodder for bullies. Plus he is an "explosive child" because easily frustrated and inflexible.
I commend you for your commitment to finding the right solution for your child and your family. I am a public school teacher in the US and our school district has programs for children with ASD in place at several of the schools, including mine. Based on the individual child's needs, he or she is placed in a "regular" classroom for short periods of time, often with a trained ASD aide, to experience typical classroom interactions.
The majory of the time, however, these students are in a small group environment. The class is typically fewer than 10 students and is taught by a trained teacher who has loads of experience with ASD kids. There are full time aides in these classes as well, keeping the child to adult ratio low. They do a lot of individualized work with social skills and communication skills heavily emphasized.
This is a service provided in the public school system, at no charge to parents. I don't know if anything comparable exists in Australia, but with the increase in ASD it seems that its development might be warranted.
In your case, it sounds as though you would be an excellent candidate to homeschool your son. You have the intellect, temprement, and willingness. However, even with all of those pros, the cons are still quite heavy. In the district where I teach there is a great deal of poverty, and many of the parents are uneducated themselves. Also, having the temprement to spend all day everyday with a child who can be so challenging is emotionally exhausting.
I wish you the best as you continue to advocate for your son, and I encourage you to be persistent.
Thank you for your comments. Your program sounds excellent. The emotional drain worries me most. My son can suck people dry. He can also be a delight. He was helping my husband make plaster casts yesterday and only had one smaller meltdown.
Hi I understand your fears about homeschooling as I had these myself. My son is nearly 14 and is on the ASD spectrum, auditory processing disorder,sensory integration disorder, processing difficulties, dyslexia and fine/gross mptor skills issues. He was also bullied at school for 4 years without much intervention from the school. We decided to homeschool after years of frustration and fear of highschool and how he was going to cope. This is my second year of homeschooling and yes you do feel trapped sometimes and isolated. The key is to be able to set up a posssible support net work like your carer to give you timeout for yourself. Homeschooling has increased my sons self esteem and confidence. I am registered through Australian Christian Academy- Moreton and they have a Special Ed unit to accomodate those children with difficulties. My son has a modified program that suits his hands on learning style and he is able to learn outside the box. They are very helpful and supportive. My son is very intelligent but was always failing at school as he did not fit the school system approach for learning. Now he is progressing well. I still have down days but the benefits to my son are enormous and I know that he will do something with his life. The advantages of being at home is that they get to interact with people of all ages through day to day outings and you can also teach them real lifeskills. I now have a parttime jos=b in the afternoons that fit in with homeschooling and I find that an outlet for me. Perhaps your carer could look after your son while you work your parttime job. Yes there are difficult times and it can be frustrating and hard work but I would not change anything. You are your sons only advocate and noone else will stand up for your child. Do what your heart is telling you is right for him. By the way I am sure there is a headmark in every brick at my sons school where I hit my head in frustration!I wish you all the best. Keep smiling and keep your headup. Some of us out there do understand!
Thanks for your feedback. I think it will be healthier for me to take the part-time job, but my son also needs removal from his current school. He is now on a few weeks holidays, and we hope to have him registered for distance education and he can do a bit with his carer or a tutor during week, and I can do some with him on weekends. In new year, will attempt mainstream school again - one that is more clued up about kids like mine. If that doesn't work out, will have to cross that bridge when come to it (that's sort of what life is like with kids like ours, isn't it?)
Dear fellow mom,
Firstly, I admire your commitment to your sons health and well-being, physical AND mental.
The ability to distance yourself from a situation so as to make a considered and rational decision is invaluable.
Your conundrum in regards to the future education of your child is tangled and no-one is going to be able to provide a perfect solution.
I'd like to offer my own advice though, in case it helps your educational crisis.
I home-school my own son, who is about to turn 9, extremely bright, intelligent, co-operative and on the whole, very well-behaved.
Even so, it is incredibly draining to be the sole companion, to be doing all your mom stuff and doing the school as well. I imagine that with a child who is not as malleable that it would be crazy-making.
So even though I am enthusiastic about home educating I think you would be wise to at least try this special school option available to you in the new year.
In the meantime I would withdraw him from school, keep him at home and either have a carer/tutor/grandparent (blow the expense, it might cancel out your earnings FOR NOW but you'll have the job in the future when he is ready to move on to the new school).
The school system he is currently in is not working for him and surely as a parent it is our duty to provide a safe environment conducive to learning - which it has proved not to be for your child.
Continuing to send him to the school he is currently in sounds like it will exacerbate his behavioral problems and make your situation increasingly difficult, at home and for him emotionally.
I am not any sort of expert on the health problem you or your son suffer from, so cannot offer any insight.
School of Distance Ed might eventually work out to be the solution for you, having your son report to their teachers and have an external teacher to check in with could lessen the amount of conflict you have with him. Friends of mine have been doing Distance Ed and found that the workload is a LOT - would suggest that if this is the option you go with then you make sure your teachers make allowances for your son.
Would say you are right to not create your own curriculum, it is pretty challenging. If you didn't do distance ed you could consider purchasing a curriculum I understand there are some good options out there.
Have gone on and on here, and maybe not presented my advice in the right order, but I hope it helps!!!
Best wishes.
Thankyou for your feedback. I have a wonderful carer that can take my child on but I doubt she will be able to supervise his schoolwork much as she is caring for other children too. We might need to hire a tutor for a few hours a day.
Like you said, it will cancel out pretty much everything I earn. Hubby is frustrated that we are always going no-where financially.
Apparently we can get the $1100 fees waived once we get a medical cert for grounds of disability. I'm just waiting for them to turn around and say we don't qualify because we are from New Zealand
Try not to worry! It shouldn't make a difference that you are from NZ if he's already been through a public school!
Treading water financially is dreadful! But maybe something to be tolerated a little longer. If your husband is wanting to shorten his hours perhaps he is able to help with teaching?
When we first began homeschooling it was my husband who stayed home and taught our child. He did an excellent job!
Thanks for your support. My husband is very keen to shorten his hours, which requires me to work. I am currently on the phone back and forth trying to find out where we stand, as we are residents of Australia, but technically not residents
This could be me writing this, you know! All the details are almost exactly the same, down to calling BSDE and seeing if they were right for us. About three weeks ago we made the decision to homeschool our Asperger's son and today was his last day of state school (yay!) He's barely been to school for the last four weeks due to illness/stress so it is hardly like he's been hanging in there since we made the decision.
I have to agree with all your arguments and rationale, we have been through the same experience. Again, I cannot really fault his school (except for cutting back the funding for the SEU and causing him to be 'mainstreamed' this year). There seems no point in considering another school, he's already been at an Asperger's focused state school and he cannot cope with the environment. What else is there for us? Not much.
The only thing I would add is not to be afraid of going out on your own. I did a fair amount of research into the BSDE and decided it wasn't for us, it was still going to be too rigid (they were rather negative about the idea of allowing him to be in different years for different subjects or to move ahead at a quicker pace) and I sought feedback from other parents who had been enrolled there and they agreed that, generally, BSDE were pretty inflexible. So, anyhow, about doing homeschool on your own - well, I have a teaching background and I was nervous about this too. I'm thinking maybe that's impaired me into thinking too rigidly about it all. I called the Home Education Unit and the very helpful folks there gave me so much help and guidance on goal setting and determining where he is and where he should go in the next 12 months that I got over my fears. And then it I allowed myself to hear what was being said by other parents. Our bright Asperger's children will not stop wanting to learn because they aren't in school. In fact, they will probably be happier and be able to focus better. Does it matter so much that he doesn't learn everything the Queensland State School system determines he should know by the end of Grade 3? No, not really, especially when you consider 'what he should know by the end of year 3' would be different if he lived in another state or another country. Our son will learn what he is best able to learn at the time, as long as we provide a wide sampling of opportunities. When the time comes for him to go to uni, or get a job, or take an apprenticeship or to sail around the world (ok, joking about that one) he will have the support and the ability to pull it together and go. I teach adults and I know that we never stop learning, that it isn't all that hard to change career tracks at 25, 35, 45 or so on. So why do we need to put our kids through the school mill that requires them to make life choices at 16 when they pick their senior subjects? Sweat that stuff when it comes, for now, enjoy deschooling him and getting him through the next six months. I would be very surprised if you will be unhappier at the end of it.
All the best, would love to hear from you to trade stories, see my blog if so.
thankyou for your feedback. I think there are a lot of parents with AS children in the same boat. I talked to the principal of the school we are looking at. He sounds very switched on. However, he said personally he was against homeschooling, as it did not allow socialising. I said school isn't necessarily best place to learn social skills
I would agree with you on not learning social skills at school. My son has been on the same IEP for 2.5 years and he hasn't improved significantly in social skills. For grades 1 and 2 he was placed in an ASD special education unit for over 80% of the day. There were 8 kids and 2 teachers and even then he learnt very little socially. He was in the best possible situation that the Qld state school system can offer and that still wasn't enough. I put that to the school and wondered how it could be made better? They had no response but to tell me my son was trying to manipulate us into being home schooled. I wondered that if they were bullied every day at their jobs, were immersed in a social and sensory environment that was completely overwhelming would it be manipulating others to look for a new job? I don't understand why it is good for any child to put up with an environment because they are powerless when an adult would be able to leave because they have the power/means to do so. I am so burned on the state school system for my son. My daughter is still there, she is also ASD, but the environment is fine for her.
As for schooling options is Autism Quensland a possibility for you? They do partial or whole week placements and maybe even a few days a week would be good for you both.
Also I am currently looking at becoming a family daycare provider so I will be around a bit more to help homeschool our son. Is that the sort of carer who can take him part time for you?
Yes, my son goes to a family daycarer when I am working. She is fantastic with our son. Changing schools will mean losing her, as the reason she could take him on is because her children go to the school he's been at. I've looked at the calender. There are 3 weeks in July where he could do a trial run at the other school? I won't be starting work until August. These two principals sound very knowledgeable about AS. But I'm not sure I agree with him about school being best place to learn social skills. If mainschool doesn't work out, not sure what we will do, because I think it will be expensive and difficult to juggle work and his schooling
That's a real pity about losing your family day care mum. I've wondered whether I could take on other homeschooled kids during the day if I were a family day care provider. It's something I shall look into as I investigate.
We are fortunate that we are already on one income. My partner has very severe AS and a number of other issues. With our son needing so much support and unable to go to After School/vacation care we haven't tried to find her a job, it's just been easier that she be home. However her AS and learning disabilities mean that she isn't going to cover his academic subjects, I'll do those and keep my full time job.
If you think he would cope with a trial run then give it a go! I think waiting until the new school year starts is an ok idea, but I don't think it should prevent you from trying it now, when it works better for your family, instead of when it is more convenient for the school. It's not like you can keep him on where he is now, so you may as well try something else.
BTW, I forgot to mention the Assistance for Isolated Children Scheme that you can get from Centrelink: http://www.centrelink.gov.au/internet/internet.nsf - he should qualify under the medical/special needs category. I assume you're also getting Carer's Allowance, that he has a health care card and that you have looked into Carer's Payment and whether you qualify? I understand where you are financially. We never seem to be able to get ahead either, but the supplements and benefits help a bit.
We got rejected for a carer's allowance on the technicality that we are not officially permanent residents.
I have heard the some family daycarers focus on homeschooled children. I personally wouldn't want to do it, as I find children exhausting
Drat. We struggle with Centrelink as well, my partner hasn't been here ten years yet, so certain benefits are forbidden to us as well.
It looks like the Assistance for Isolated Children should be ok for you, too. Worth looking at, I hope.
I hope you can find the best alternative for your son. If you want to keep him in a school environment, then maybe the Autism Qld school can help you. They have campuses on the north and south sides of Brisbane.
As a teacher in a public school I applaud you for taking responsibility for your son and his actions. He is lucky to have someone who understands him and what he is going through. I am sure you will make the best decision possible for him.
thankyou. We are going to give him a go in this other public school. I have spoken to both the principal and deputy principal, and they both sound very switched on with regards to AS.
It sounds as though you have evaluated every possibility from every angle. Your son is fortunate to have such great advocates as parents. I cannot offer any advice except to say just do what seems right for your entire family. Bless you!
thank you. It will be financially less stressful if he can go to public school. It will mean giving up our current carer though, which will be sad
I think home schooling is a great idea. Wonderful article, a big thumbs up. :)
Thankyou for reading. We will have another shot at public school first.
As a teacher in the public school system, I would think your son would achieve more without the structure of a "traditional" classroom. Most of our county schools are overcrowded. It's difficult to meet the needs of every child. I would not advise anyone with a special needs child to put her/him in the public school system.
we've decided to give in a trial in a school that is more aware. Have still got distance learning to fall back on
I know people who have home schooled. The kids come out just fine. They are just as social as other kids, they are just as educated. Homeschool..you won't be sorry
Dear Bailleybear,
I admire you for being such a dedicated mom! Good for you! Are there any private schools for children with disabilities in Australia? There are in the US, they are expensive, but very good. If you don't have access to such a school, I would also consider homeschooling, you can have your son volunteer, participate in group hobbies and other activities which involve his peers, he will have plenty of exposure and social contacts.
thankyou for your kind comments.
You've obviously given this a lot of thought and I'm sure whatever your decision is, it will be with the best interest of your son in mind. I have 5 children and none of them have ever been in school. They are all homeschooled and have varying degrees of "issues", but the school system is not the place (IMHO) for socializing a child. My children get plenty of socialization without having to attend public or private school. It's what works for us, but it's not for everyone. The other thing to keep in mind is nothing is permanent. If you decide to explore homeschooling this year, it doesn't mean you have to continue if it's not working. Obviously, you want to avoid having too many changes, but it might be worth a try. Here in the US we have virtual schools which may be an option for you as well. The virtual schools allow your child to remain in public school, yet their work is done at home via computer. Stay strong, you're your child's best advocate.
thank you for your encouragement. We are going to try another school first - I have spoken to both the DP and Principal and they are very clued up about AS. We still have option of homeschool if that doesn't work out
If you do eventually opt to homeschool, networking with other homeschoolers in your area can provide a means of getting out, dealing with that "trapped" feeling. I don't think of it so much as trapped, but moms can really benefit by having the opportunity to interact with each other, often while the kids participate in formal or informal activity. A homeschool support/encouragement group is a nice way to accomplish this. In our small town, a number of us used to meet on Friday mornings at the skating rink, and while the kids roller skated, we had time to share challenges, advice, and just enjoy adult conversation. Unfortunately, our skating rink closed, and our group hasn't met as much this year, as our schedules haven't worked lately.
Another option is organizing co-operative classes such as PE, or another topic of interest. Support groups and co-ops will often have get togethers for holidays, or field trips to sites of interest.
Thank you for your comments. I'm not a very social person, and this would be an area of difficulty for me. I think I would find the whole experience exhausting.
I home schooled mine and with great success. My youngest went to tech school has a degree in graphic arts and just now is graduating with a BS in visual communications, didn't hold him back one bit.
Great stuff - it's great hearing success stories. Thanks for stopping by
Hi Baileybear, I can understand this story very much as I am in the preschool institution. I pray that you will find a school that will know how to deal with kids with special needs.
Congratulations for your Hubnugget Nomination! Three cheers for you!
To vote for this hub, click here: http://hubpages.com/_hubnuggets10/hub/HubNuggets-M
ripplemaker - it is an honour to get nominated. I am hoping all goes well with school and care - hope he doesn't get kicked out if has a meltdown.
You sound like a wonderful mom full of undertstanding and willingness to do the best for your child.I can't imagine this being an easy situation for you.I hope everything turns out the way you want it to.
Excellent hub.
Thankyou. I am hoping it all works out well - that my son settles into school fine and me in work
This is a powerful hub, my child has autism, and after several schools she is in one wehre she loves the kids and the teachers. The School encourages me and the rest of the family to work together, and she has done so well, it was nto an easy desiciion but it turned out for the best. You are a great mother doing the best for your child. That is all you can do!
I think it is a great hub, sad thought in a way too. I think you are a fantastic mum, thinking about home schooling your boy. i used to work with autistic children ,and it is very hard. You must keep asking for help, he belongs in a school where there is other asperger children. And you wanting to do the best for your son, remember to look after yourself, a mum who is run down is of no use to your son.
Good luck.Your son is fortunate to have you .Love and light.
That is a very well written, thorough contemplation.I personally love the added benefits that homeschooling offers any family, special needs or not, and I know that it would be rewarding for your family. I won't try to convince you since you have already decided, but if you decide to homeschool in the future, I would be happy to help you in anyway I can. I am sure you agree, the most important matter is your son's well being. If he is being crushed in a situation, nothing good can come of it. As the adult, we are able to handle the cons and bear that burden for our children because they are in a much more frail state of mind at this age. I hope this new school option works well for you. Again, if you decide to go the homeschooling route in the future, you can contact me through my website. I will be praying for your son. God knows what you need because He created your son and loves you all so much. Blessings to you!
As a teacher, I just want to say home schooling is the best choice for your child. I believe he can develop his brain and his ability through patience teacher who come to your home. This hub very inspiring us. Thanks for share. I hope the best for him.
Prasetio
Best of luck. I also found this very inspiring. My son has ADHD and is dyslexic. We are sticking with the public schools but have had to fight hard to get him the help he needs. I don't know much about homeschooling, but if you decide to go that way, I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job.
thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Despereaux - I feel like a lioness fighting for my cub sometimes to get what he needs. Rebecca - I'm encouraged you found a school that worked: I am hoping he new school works for him, as he is very social. Ellinor - there are other children with Asperger's at the school, and the school is very willing to accommodate their needs. Turkana - I agree homeschooling can offer a lot, now that I've examined it. No decisions are set in concrete. Prasetio - I'm glad you were inspired.
Congrats on being selected as one of this week's HubNuggets Wannabee Nominees. Good luck to you in the contest and with your son's journey!
I home school my younger two children. I feel that the school system can not give them what they need. Besides it seems that even though the bullying law was passed it is like there is nothing being done about it. Kudos to you for taking the time and stepping up to the plate to give your child what is best for him. I think home schooling is awesome and the child excels so much more especially with the one on one teaching.
I don't blame you one bit, the thing with restraints is sometimes, teachers use them incorrectly, like when there is no need for it, restraints are supposed to be used if a student with special learning needs is out of control, is in danger of bodily harm to themselves or the other students or teachers and as a last resort, Dr Phil devoted two shows to it.
I personally don't feel that public school is a positive enviornment for children with disorders like autism. Kids need to be around others who are more like them.
Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against public shcools, but as usual when there is a need to cut the state budget, schools always go on the chopping block, at least it is here in Ok and Ks, which means teachers are going to get laid off and the remaining teachers classrooms are going to get larger, there is going to be a shortage on supplies and off campus learning, like feild trips.
And THERE IS FAR FROM ANYTHING BEING DONE TO STOP BULLY's even with laws passed, why? It's done in secret.
I was bullied my entrie achedemic career (only because I was used to it since I was constantly the new kid in school), but I realized it really fast when I was in middled/high school. That was pretty much when we stopped moving, go figure, but I didn't fit in, didn't know how, I tried to fit in just to make my mom happy but I ended up dropping out my jr year.
Sometimes that is the only solution for parents, is to home school, I mean they're kids are not safe at public school and private school is soooo expensive, but I tell you if I had to home school, I'd have to hire a teacher, there is noooo way I could home school and still have my sanity. And William would be just like your son,taking advantage esspecially with what I think is ADHD.
Frankie79 - I agree that restraints are used incorrectly. A mother told me that a child was about to run across the road, and they did nothing. My child was safely in school grounds and made a loud noise, so they used maximum force (which went against their own policies). Yes, my own son would drive me insane, so I really need to work part-time to preserve my own sanity. Thanks for the encouragment Money Glitch and awcase - thanks for reading.
Bailybear. I just want to add my two cents worth here and probably act as the devil's advocate. I have heard so many people complaining about the pubic school systems (from just about every country). I just have to say that I believe they do the best they can with the restrictions imposed upon them by supposedly well meaning parents. It's probably worth me writing a hub.
In your case, I'm thinking home schooling might be a viable alternative. I don't know from experience, just from reading about your situation. I certainly wish you the very best.
I'd love to read your hub when you've written it, Duchess. Am waiting to hear back that our carer can take our child to do distance learning for the rest of the year. The school we saw today seems very clued up - unfortunately not in a position to take him at moment
Hard decisions, and so important. I wish you luck anspd wisdom.
I have a son who is now 10 years old and he was labeled PDD-NOS. The summer before he was to enter kindergarten we decided to homeschool him and his brother who was a year a head of him. We felt that he would get picked on because of his "quirkiness" and is social immaturity and that academically it would be a struggle for him. This was definitely the right move for our family. I have homeschooled my kids for the last 5 years (ds 12, ds 10, ds 8 and toddler daughter). Our 10 year old would have been lost and school would have been a nightmare for him. It gives us the opportunity to teach him each level he is at for each subject. He doesn't like math or reading (found out he is also dyslexic) but loves history and science. So we can focus on his strengths. For the upcoming school year we have decided to enroll our 12 yr old and 8 yr old into school but I will continue to homeschool our 10 year old. He cried when he thought he was being sent to school. He loves being home and pursuing things that interest him and he isn't stuck at a desk all day like he would be at school. He gets plenty of social interacting through Scouting and 4-H and through his homeschool activities and friends through homeschooling. I know you have decided to send him to another public school but really consider homeschooling him. Public school is still public school and there will always be bullies. The staff may understand his situation better but not the kids he has to interact with on a daily basis.
Wising you the best of luck.
Bailybear,
Great Hub, although in parts absolutely heart-breaking. Hang in there. Best wishes to you and your son.
Pcunix - yes, definitely hard decisions and it still isn't 100% certain yet; Drobran - my son is willing to give another school a try (is like leaving a bad workplace) and we have found a school that is very experienced with Asperger children, but they have advised against taking him until next year as the only teacher they have available will not suit him; Woes - yes, it has been heartbreaking - the good news is my son finally has some friends with the neighbourhood kids
I homeschooled my children for nine years. I started when my daughter was 4. She was too young for the local kindergarten, and a friend up the street was homeschooling her 5 year old. It was the best decision I made regarding bringing up my children. Not only can you take the time to teach more than traditional school, there is no one who loves your child more than you do. As a result, he will benefit from you teaching him. The lesson that he will remember the most is that you cared enough about him to focus on his education. You may find after a few years that he is ready for a public setting. One thing I learned during my homeschooling days, is that boys learn differently from girls, and typically more slowly. Nothing against boys. That was my experience with 5 girls and 3 boys. They catch up around middle school, and they are smart in different ways, but with regard to a school setting, boys do really well being homeschooled. Most teachers do not have the time, training or commitment to deal with our children on a level they need. With a few months left in the summer, try a dry run at home schooling and see if it fits your life style.
Whatever you decide, realize that you are doing the best for your son that you can. Try not to beat yourself up.
Best of luck.
Namaste.
Hi Deborah, thanks for your feedback. I agree schools do not typically cater for boys needs well - that they learn differently and like to move around etc. We are in Australia, so are not in summer holidays at the moment. It is half-way through the school year here. I think my son would enjoy being homeschooled, but I would not (I have Aspergers too).
Wanted to pass on this very encouraging link. Temple Grandin is full blown autistic, who had a difficult childhood. She went on to become a respected and successful adult who now advocates for autistic individuals. She is so inspiriting - she will give you hope for your son and family.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wt1IY3ffoU
(forward through the first 5 minutes - its filler)
Thanks, HappyMom. I first heard of Temple Grandin after reading an article how people in some occupations have a high rate of autistic offspring (eg engineers). I watched a few of her on-line videos and thought she had some very interesting insights
This is the most heartfelt and honest hub I've read yet. He looks like a fine young man and I commend you for staying positive. He has a gift and someone just has to help him find it. As for the social skills, I know adults who are supposed to be normal that don't have many of those. Just love him and keep up the good work. Peace!!
Thank you for your kind comments. All of my hubs so far have been memoir - based on my own experiences. I've had to work very hard at gaining social skills. Fortunately I don't have a temper problem like my son does. I absolutely think he is gifted in some areas - he's a very unique child
wow, I am a single mom, and am homeschooling both my daughters next year, having been bullied at school myself, after watching for several years my youngest being bullied was enough, i now the long term effect it had on me. My daughter while at school till finishing in june had zero self worth or self esteem. Due to missing school due to sickness and the failed efforts of the teachers she also decided she was stupid. she has now got a best friend who is a real friend first one she has had in 12 yrs. A girl in her class told anyone who befriended her not to be friends with. the reason, she as a mole on her face. her new best friend told us, she chose to tell this girl where to go.my other daugher who never wanted to be home schooled stayed home from school while i was at work, school finally told me end of may. why? she was bored of sitting in class behaving and being ignored while the teachers gave all their attention to the kids messing about.
Homeschooling is a good option if you think you can supervise study, you dont have to do the teaching yourself, there are many options and the schools you are connected arrange alot of activities so your kids can have a lot of socialization.
Bottom line, you now whats best for your kids, no one cares about your kids like you do. The school system has failed both my kids, homeschooling isn't for everyone,but its worth checking into. no child should have to be bullied
supagirl,
Bullying has always been there, but the level of violence is escalating. It's so scary. I've been a teacher, and I think most of the stuff taught in schools is useless rubbish anyway. We are going to attempt to transition our son into a school that is experienced with ASD kids. An ASD child we know that goes there is happy. He doesn't get bullied, but he doesn't have any friends either. The only friends my son has are a few neighbourhood kids. We will have to do distance learning for the rest of the year. Can you get the mole removed? I had moles (since removed) which caused me years of extreme anxiety as got bullied. Bullying is so destructive to self-esteem. Children have committed suicide because of it.
I would like first to say thank you for your hub. You are definately not alone!
My son now thirteen has a very similar repitoir of diagnosis - Tourette Syndrome, OCD, ADHD, Aspergers, learning disabilities in math and writing, Hypersensitivity to all stimuli he doesn't control.
Although my reasons were slightly different than yours (his symptoms increased to the point where he could not even hold a glass a water or shower on his own. Bullying however was a never ending issue as well) I chose to take him out of school at the beginging of grade four. By the middle of grade seven he was ready to enter school again but not in the traditional setting, he entered what was called a "Bridge" program originally designed for grade eight students. The design of the program was what worked for him - it was small class size (2 teachers/5-10 students) with a maximum of 10 students accepted. It was funded by the public school board and was set up at a community centre in order to help with "school phobia" which had also become a problem, as it does with many children.
By October 2009 he was asking to return to his regular school and his regular class. It took us as parent until December to decide to let him - it was terrifying! In january he returned to his regular school and the same classmates (most of whom he had trouble with in the past). It was the best move! He flourished in the remainder of his grade eight year (altough academically he was still board and needed more of a challenge). he just graduated this past June and he even wore a tux to the ceremony - a boy who would wear nothing more then mens PJs for years (and the same ones at that!) was dressed up! He received an award for the cultural arts and even danced with his classmates, now his friends, in front of the audience!
Just last week he went to his first party! He had a great time!
I guess I just wanted to share my story with you to let you know that your decisions whatever they are are what is right for you , your children, and your family in that moment and only you can make them. There will be a ton of opininated people out there ready to tell you you are a bad mother and are making horrible mistakes, some of them will probably be related to you! But stick to your beliefs/values and sometimes just your motherly instincts. You know whats best even if you don't realize you do at the time. If I hadn't taken my son out of school when I did I strongly believe he would not have developed the self confidence and skills he has today!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel - we haven't reached it yet but at least now we can see it!
On a bit of a different note I strongly, STRONGLY recommend reading the book 'Saving Sammy: Curing the Boy Who Caught OCD' by Beth Maloney. The book is about PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptochochis)- research it! There is a chance that some or all of your son's symptoms cam be the result of having had a STREP infection. Have his blood tested for strep antibodies - the throat culture is not all that is needed. You can also look this up on savingsammy.net
Good Luck! Your son is very lucky!
Your son is one lucky guy for having parents like you. i strongly recommend you homeschool him. it is best for him and would be best for you as well. it is like learning from each other. although, it will be hard on the first year or two but as you go on, you will see the benefit of homeschooling. social skills can be learn in so many ways like going places with people, restaurants, movie and many more. he is already learning his social skills learning martial arts is being with people. you can help him develop by making friends with 1 or 2 martial arts family for him to learn social skills. i believe your son will be in a better place with you and please believe in yourself, because you want the best for your child. that alone is enough to keep him homeschooled and he will thank you when he grew up to be a fine man.
keep your faith, you have a wonderful family.
Several people with aspergers syndrome children seem to have done better with home schooling. It sounds like the children are very intelligent but don't learn as well in the typical school environment. I wish you the best with your tough decisions for your precious son.
thanks for all the encouraging comments.
Dali48 - it's wonderful to hear your positive experience of homeschooling; I think many people only hear of the negative stereotypes.
datamon - this is my most popular hub, so it seems I am definitely not alone. My son has a school phobia about his last school: another bad experience and it will be general, we fear. We have found an excellent school to transition to. He has Asperger's of the rigid variety, hence has meltdowns over trivial things, like making transitions, which makes life very hard. He is a very healthy child since being of A1 dairy casein (he is fine with A2 dairy).
Veianet - I am sure my son would thrive being homeschooled, but I fear my husband and I would not.
Pamela99 - yes, my son is very bright (and got bored intellectually at school), but found it very hard to cope with school environment
You have really taken the time to examine all the pros and cons and find the right answer. I wish you the best of luck and hope all turns out well. Thanks for sharing your story.
thanks, Lannie. There are probably more pros and cons that I haven't considered. I was thrown into this situation, so I thought I may as well write about it - is proving to be my most read hub
I really believe that if you give homeschooling a try, you will really enjoy it. Your son will enjoy it! There are so many programs out there for homeschooling that you can use too. One of the programs we use is a 2 hour swim and gym program at the YMCA. If you enrolled him in a program like this, it would give you a couple of hours for a break. The only thing with homeschooling is that you will need to be consistant, but flexible. I am sure you can do it too! A love for a child can be a great motivator to overcome things in our own lives to help them.
Specialk, I think if he wasn't so oppositional, it would be a much more enjoyable experience. To preserve my sanity, I need some time away from him, hence taking the part-time job. I need to protect myself from burnout, so I can continue to be a good mum for him. Thanks for your feedback
I was deeply moved by your story. your son is very blessed to have such caring parents, Just keep doing what your doing..and feel sorry for those socially BLIND people at that public school because it is those folks that have the real issues.And if you ask me i think it's the public school system that needs to change as well as adapt to a new way of handling or rather teaching kids. cause NO child learns the same way... i my self have too children not yet in school yet still i fear i to will face similar issues when & if they go to public school. so cheers to you and your wonderful family.cause the best place to learn is from inside your own home where you have the love and suport you need to thrive & grow. good luck to your hole family, & i'm hear any time if you want to chat
Thanks, Jenna. I agree that schools are blind - did you see the link about the girl that got arrested? Beyond sick. Totally agree the school system - public and private, need to gain some flexibility, knowledge and understanding. Thanks for your kind comments. I belong to some forums to discuss our special challenges - great source of support
Good luck with another try in the school system. I applaud you with trying home schooling and in the end it may be your best option. However, if this latest school understands your son's needs it may just work.
It always amazes me the lack of knowledge the school system has when it comes to Autism and Aspergers, although things are changing which can only be a good thing.
Congratulations on winning the hubnugget and with a great percentage, well done.
Thanks MPG, I have just been nominated for another HubNugget for my hub My Baby was a Kidney Stone. Doing the distance education for the rest of the year will be very expensive for us. We are hoping that he transitions well into the new school. We are not prepared to take a risk on another school that has no idea what they are doing (the vast majority, I fear)
Well done again, 2 hubnugget nominations, thats quite a feat. Look forward to reading it.
thankyou MPG - and please cast your vote.
Voted already
i always hope is my child will be great men in this world.can make amazing change for new era
Yes, I hope my son will grow up to be a great man. Thanks, Ati-zone
I feel pity for you. Having to raise a special child like yours in a current system like we have is difficult. I have read somewhere that Einstein was also an Asperger syndrome person, as is Steven Spielberg.
The best advice I can offer is to find his interest and niche, develop that field and ignore the rest. This children is super in the field they choose, and do make great lives if stimulated and supported in that direction. Good luck and godspeed.
Congratulations on your hubnuggets awards.
Yes, it is very difficult, Equealla. We have found a school that is very experienced with children like mine, and they are hopeful that with a successful transition, he will do well, as he is very intelligent. I think your advice is very appropriate - finding his special area to keep him motivated
Wow, I did miss this one. Thank you for letting me know about it. This is exactly what my grandmother went through with my uncle. At least from what she and my mother would always say. The doctors never knew what was wrong with him. They said hyperactive but so much more was going on. Same things were happening. He was kicked out of pre-school, then when he started the next year, she went to pick him up and he was in the corner screaming with a dunce cap on. My grandmother grabbed him and out they went. She never brought him back there. He would always throw things if he was mad, and kids picked on him, but he was extremely smart in many area. Just not socially smart. Or like street smart to pick up on certain things. No one ever wanted to babysit him, if they did they wanted two people. Since my mom they had to watch too but she was extra quiet so my grandma said that she doesn't know what she would have done if my mom was like that. She could barely handle my uncle.
Then he took up martial arts and he didn't act that way at all there. That's why I'm like in Awe sitting here thinking my grandmother has to read this. They didn't have special schools or anything like that. The doctor gave medicine but I don't think my grandmother gave it to him. She was afraid. As each year went by he would calm a little and eventually gained a few good friends. He was given a guitar and he took lessons and it really calmed him down. It was a place to put his attention too. He played guitar for many years, as he also did martial arts. He was older than your son when he was given the guitar but maybe by a few years. He turned to music and was in his own world with it. He formed a band in middle school. Not a school band but a few kids that always wanted to be in a band and he was totally opposite between his earlier years to when he started martial arts, then a few years later the guitar. He was almost total opposite but he never did drugs and things. During that time with the guitar years, as I'll call it, he was still different and would get picked on but not as much.
Now he is grown and is extremely smart, and successful. My grandmother is amazed because she felt like he was going to end up killing someone or getting killed, because of the rage but he grew out of it. The martial arts really helped. He also got into rock climbing and some of the pictures are amazing, he could do that (that was his high school years) on huge rocks and got so into it. Not reckless at all, he was very smart about it. Now they have the climbing gyms but they didn't back then.
I don't know if he had the same thing but you seem to be doing all the right things by him. I think starting him off again in a school he could benefit from would be good. Home schooling is great and if this new school doesn't work out it's a good idea but if he could stay in a school with other kids where they understand his needs, I think the social part will really help him, if he's ready for it. The social part kids need but in this case it was destroying him so you do have to make the pro's and con's list like you did and I think your plan of action is so perfect. He just needs to find that special outlet of a hobby as he like martial arts. There has to be other things you will find that will be an awesome fit for him. I'm going to show this to my grandma and see what she says. I admire your strength so much. Please give updates and when my grandma gets back from a trip she is on, I'm going to show her this. I'm not diagnosing at all because they never knew what was wrong with my uncle but it's strange that the martial arts is so similar in how they responded.
Thank you for sharing this and It will help a lot of people that do not know what is wrong. They considered him hyperactive but he had other stuff going on and definitely certain foods made it worse. I hope you the best and I can't wait to show her.
Jess
thanks, Jess - you've nearly written a complete hub. Doing homeschooling 100% by me will be too stressful.
I started my part-time job this week,and he went to a carer. I have asked her to focus on his life skills, rigidity and social skills more than curriculum. He managed to do a little maths and reading, but he wants his father to do literacy with him on weekend.
Today, I've been doing some reading with him etc and looking at prices, etc when had to buy a few items. When we were in the car, he was asking how power pylons are made. We often discuss such issues, and I get loads of books out from the library which he devours, even if some of the text is too hard.
He just had a meltdown because his yolk in boiled egg was not runny enough for his preference, and I refused to get him another one. Being full-time carer of my son would be road to burnout.
It would be much easier if he had a more co-operative/flexible temperament. He wasted most of this morning and he also made me late for work one day by refusing to get out of bed.
We both go to family class of Taekwondo - I have been learning too (but have to be careful, as I have very tight muscles from years of undiagnosed autoimmune disorder, including pain disorder)
My afternoon of homeschooling has gone better - son wanted to know how car gearbox works, so found excellent book from libary, Richard Hammond's Car Science. We made gears out of potato slices
I have a son with autism and I homeschooled him through high school. He will be starting community college soon. I wrote a paper about it and it can be found at the above url.
Thanks for commenting Elaine - hope all goes well with your son with community college.
I'll let you know how it goes. He will get all kinds of support there. He will have a note-taker in class. He will be able to take his tests in a quiet room and the tests will be read aloud to him. They even have software that can scan a textbook and read it to him. However, I expect that I will be the offical textbook reader at home.
All the best with that. Yesterday I took my son to the museum and science centre which had lots of interactive displays - he had a great time and it was educational as well
I can sooo relate to your story-this is an issue that I struggle with along with my son, who has recently entered into 8th grade (middle school here in the US). It breaks my heart wanting to protect my son but also wanting to teach him how to socialize in the school setting. I just want to wrap my arms around him and keep him from all that is mean and cruel in adolescent students. But he is determined to "blend in" and be "normal" so all I can do at this point is help him be a strong as he can be and be so from the inside, and not let other peoples words or behaviors affect him. So far so good in terms of self esteem, but boy is it ever scary :0) I would love to hear back from you and see how things are going.
thanks advocate - planning to write a follow-up hub in the near future. Things just a bit crazy at the moment with moving house
I'm the same Elaine who posted a couple of months ago, but I guess some changes have been made to this site. Anyway, I have read some books on homeschooling kids on the spectrum which you might find interesting. They are all published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. They are Choosing Home: Deciding to Homeschool with Asperger’s Syndrome by Martha Kennedy Hartnett; Homeschooling the Child with Asperger Syndrome: Real Help for Parents Anywhere and On Any Budget by Lise Pyles; and Home Educating Our Autistic Spectrum Children: Paths are Made by Walking Edited by Terri Dowty and Kitt Cowlishaw.
Yoy should find them helpful.
Elaine
Elaine - it's been tough - we certainly wouldn't want to do homeschooling long-term. I want to write a hub about how it went. He is transitioning to a school that has a lot of experience with AS. He spent 4 hours at the school yesterday, and it went really well.
Difficult stuff you are going through - I know. I have two sons with autism disorders (plus children that are neuro-typical); one has aspergers, the other has PDD-NOS. I have no doubt that my son with aspergers would have be very depressed with a miserable life if he were in the public school, not because of the teachers, but because the cruelness of many children seem to know no bounds. We happily home school and he is thriving. We find other social activities for him to get involved in which include local church activities. He also sees a child psychologist that specializes in disorders who has been an incredible help to us. My younger son with PDD-NOS was put into a special school at age 3 since he still could not communicate at all. The special education school was wonderful, and I swear he had the best staff in the world to care for him. I loved them all, and am forever grateful for how much they helped my son. After four years there, he is still two years behind on his social and communication skills, but he can TALK and communicate now! In our case, we have decided to educate him at home with some continued support and services from the public school. He also gets additional social from church activities, and some outside friends he has. He sees a psychologist as well who is very skilled at working with him.
Julie, my son longs for friends, but other children can be so cruel. The school he was at blamed him. We are doing distance ed and transitioning to a very supportive school that has ample experience with AS. He will do 2 days next week. The transition has been managed very well to ensure he has a positive experience
I just graduated from college, and a few of my friends were homeschooled. They were some of the gifted, most talented people I have met. They excelled academically. They were socially mature too. Even though they didn't have a "large school" background, they were on the same level as everyone else socially. They did say that financially their parents did have to pay for their textbooks and for other learning tools, such as computers and other technology. But they got most of the money for their textbooks back by selling them online to the book buyback company http://www.mybookcart.com. MyBookCart.com paid for their books within a week, and they offered free shipping. So needless to say, their parents did have ways of saving money during their homeschool education.
thankyou for visiting evarun, and sharing your observation of success stories for home schooled students. For us, the financial (and emotional) strain would be because I would not be able to work part-time
Hi
I had very similar problems with my son who has aspergers.
He was diagnosed two years ago but I knew there was something ammiss long before then because of the problems he was having at school. I also suspect that I have undiagnosed aspergers as it seems to fit with many challenges I have struggled with over the years.
At state school my son was repeatedly bullied by other pupils and had a teacher who didn't believe aspergers was a real problem.
My husband and I spent four years battling with the state school system to get my son the help, support and understanding he needed.
He went from being an out going happy child to being depressed, suffering from constant head aches, tummy aches etc and tried to hurt himself. His self worth dropped completely, his school work suffered significantly and eventually instead of making progress he regressed in both numeracy and literacy. Eventually we took him out of school when he arrived home one night covered in cuts and bruises all over his back and shoulders where three other boys had pushed him of a climbing frame pulled him through some mud then repeatedly kicked him. All the headmaster could say was we have failed your son.
My sons one outlet that made him happy was music and dance.
Last Easter through his dance school we managed to get him a performing arts scholarship for a small private school.
He has now been attending this school for nearly two terms. his work has jumped from a level 2c to a level 4b.
Most days he is now happy about going to school.
He still has aspergers and still struggles with social interaction but the big difference is the school understand and help him in many ways.
for example, he used to find the cloakroom at the end of the day difficult as everyone would be pushing and screaming. this school let him go to the cloakroom on his own first to get his coat before the rest of the class. He finds the playground difficult. at this school he has the option to stay inside at lunchtime and join in with many activities provided or go practice quietly on the piano or if he is out side he takes a book, the other children have been told if he sits reading his book he needs quiet time and they leave him alone. These are some of the simple strategys the school have put in place but have helped so much. The biggest difference been that there are only nine children in his class which means noise is a lot less than his previous school with class sizes of 35.
If you can find a good small private school who will take your son then it could transform yours and his life.
As he is good at science maybe look into scholarships.
Best Wishes for the future for both of you
Marie - glad your son has a creative outlet that makes him happy - music was my outlet too. We looked at a private school (prior to his official diagnosis) and basically they didn't want to know us - bunch of snobs. He is transitioning to a public school that is very experienced with AS kids - has been very positive after the disasters at last school (where he developed a school phobia).
I just want to say that I read this entire post and I totally support the idea of homeschooling. We have a profoundly gifted son, who also has stress based seizures and a possible ASP diagnosis (waiting, waiting). We have homeschooled off and on for the past 3 years, using an online curriculum called K12, which is offered for free through our public school system. The few times we have tried "regular school", it has been a complete nightmare! Parenting these kids is exhausting, and any situation that adds stress to the mix must be avoided. Our son was bullied at school (by students and teachers), shamed for his outbursts and constant need to interact, put down for being smarter than others ("don't brag" but he has a 150IQ and knows he is smart) and many other injustices. The only social skills he learned were how to avoid adults who basically hated him and how to hide from bullies. The few friends he made we now still connect with, and he is also enrolled in a nurturing after school program. He takes Japanese on Saturdays, goes to Yugioh, has many interests. Homeschooling can be very isolating, but so can being shamed and judged by a staff of "educated" teachers who don't get your child. Trust your gut parents. This is our main job on the planet, for now, until they are able to stand on their own. I love my son and I feel it is my job to advocate for him, my full time job and the pay is the smile on his face, the spontaneous hug and the joy in knowing that I have truly done my best.
Victoria, we have just come to an end with our homeschooling stint. It was tough! It's the end of the school year here in Australia, and he transitioned well to 2 days per week at school and will start full-time at school next year. I hope to write soon about how our home-schooling went.
I have home-schooled both of my boys (they are past school age now) ~ the one for just a few months; the other for a few years. It was right for them. School does not suit everyone. Good luck!
thanks for commenting Trish. I hope to write about how our homeschooling experience went sometime in the next few weeks
You are a very strong women, and taking care of your needs aswell as your son's is important. I get why it would be difficult for you to homeschool. My son (4 years) and husband have aspergers and when my son is having a bad day, it is very difficult for my husband. All the anxieties my son feels, my husband feels and his AS traits come to the forefront. Most times my husband has to just go to his safe place and I deal with our son. It is overwhelming at times, but I understand the best thing for both of them is if I deal with my son. My husband will dicipline him, but if it is a meltdown, he just can't handle it. So, as I am very much for homeschooling, I get why you need you time to escape. Good luck with everything.
Vicki - it can be very stressful at times - he's starting at school full-time soon. I've just written a draft hub of how it all went - to publish soon
I've just published a hub on how our homeschooling experience went
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing you and your son's story. I too have a nine year old son with aspergers and struggle to know what to do at times. I have cried many times a day for many days. I have went through so much of what you write about. So many people judge and they just do not understand. We parents of children with aspergers should be each others best supporters. You are a great parent and doing exactly what you should do. Still so hard, I know.
The hardest part is that children with aspergers are so normal yet have such meltdowns. That is why it is so hard for people to really see what parents are going through.
My son goes to a private Christian school. If we talk to the teachers , they are very understanding and let him do what he needs to do to calm down. There is no bullying at this school. All the famalies have taught their kids to be understanding of everyone.I know that sounds to good to be true. It is just the Christian environment. The schools academics are great as well. My son is in a mainstream classroom with another boy whom is somewhere on the autistic scale.
This is working well for him so far. We have found that these private smaller schools are structured, quieter, and children are very, very, giving to each other, even to challenged children. Even the principle's daughter, whom has down syndrome, is treated great by other kids. She is now in highschool. There are places that aspergers kids will do well in. However, it does bring in the cost factor.
I think homeschooling is great to though. I homeschooled my other son for a while, he does not have aspergers. We did fairly well.
I wish you and your family all the best. I pray your son has more and more peace as he grows. God bless him and your family. I hope this response brings you encouragement.
Remember to make peaceful time for yourself, no matter what:)
Jessica - thanks for commenting. I have a hub that is a follow-up from this one on how it all went. Our son has started at public school this year and is doing well. He had a bit of a scrap with a kid that kicked him, but he fought back, and hasn't had problems with the kid since (the detention he got was worth it then!).
Otherwise, he hasn't had any meltdowns at school (saved those for when he's gotten home - LOL) and is making a few friends.
Not all with AS are of the tantrum meltdown variety - I have AS too, but instead of rage, I tend to get down. I am not as easily frustrated as my son, which is the big difference. Repeated 'failure' can be very frustrating & discouraging though
Hi Baileybear, I have been away from Hubpages for awhile and I just happened upon this wonderful Hub!! Thanks so much for sharing all you have been through and where you are now.
As you know, since I know you read one of my Hubs, I have a 15 year old with Aspergers. I live in NYC, and they often brag how they have the best education system in the country. Not true. The ignorance we have encountered with our son is unbelievable. I am a teacher, I have 20 years experience and have earned a Masters Degree and have graduate credits above my degree. This is fortunate for me because it gives me tools to fight the system, other parents are steamrolled. I advocate for others all of the time. I have been forced to leave my full time job to take care of the children, especially the oldest who has aspergers. The schools have been horrible. They "try", but those who truly understand are few and far between. Our son scored #2 on his pre-college boards in the entire school, but somehow that is not good enough. He has finally stopped screaming in class, so now they pick on his self stimming and his humming to himself. MY bullies are not the students, they are they teachers themselves. We have faced far more bullying for adults than we ever have from children. Now we are getting critiqued on what he wears. He has sensory issues and we let him wear what is comfortable. He dresses like most teens, he wears sweatpants (not the jersey type, the nice kind) tshirts, henleys, hoodies and sneakers. We have financial issues since I do not have alot of time and ability to work and we cannot buy the most expensive. However all of the children are clean and look very much like most other children. Their sneakers are name brand, and t shirts stylish, mostly sports teams etc. They are blaming the Aspergers saying he wears the same things again and again. First of all, this is not true, he wears pants a second time some weeks, but not in a row and they are always washed. BUT, they have no right to even comment about this. THe excuse is that they want to keep the other students from ridiculing him. This is ridiculous since if they were going to make fun, they would make fun of the fact that he is 15, only eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, often picks his nose, has major meltdowns where he throws his almost 6 foot body to the ground and cries. So we are worried about him being fashionable? Each year, we must fight our education system to keep his therapies and his help. Actually go to court. Just like the insurance companies that allow people to die because they don't listen to the doctors reports. Its appalling. We fight, but many other parents do not. I wish I could give the teachers detention, or the Department of Education bullies a time out. As far as homeschooling, I have thought of it, but my son does not listen to me and is belligerent to me as many 15 year old boys are. It would only work if I got him a tutor, which is a thought I have. I am working on getting him into some out of school teen AS social groups. If this works, I may petition the school for an at home teacher and be done with it. I am so tired of always hearing about the bad things. I had no idea he scored so high on his tests. They only focus on what he can't do. You are an inspiration to us all. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone, it a lonely business bringing up a special needs child.
bizymom - sounds like an extremely frustrating experience. Our son is doing well at a new school. We did the homeschooling for 6 months waiting until the new year as the school said to wait until he could be placed with an appropriate teacher. As far as I'm aware, he's had no meltdowns. Had a few scraps with other kids (he fights back now if they start something).
As for wearing the same thing - I don't have many clothes in my wardrobe, so I wear more or less that same thing every few days (washed in between of course). I can't afford a diverse wardrobe, nor is it important to me. I'm sure workplaces notice, but I don't care. So ridiculous the school has an issue with it. Yes, school drone clones can be amongst the worst bullies - read my hub about getting fired for being too honest for an example
I know this was a few months ago and I don't know much about the Australian legal system. But I would have gleefully pressed charges against any school that harmed my child, especially seeing the bruises.
My mother had to restrain kids who were far more aggressive than what you described with your son, and at no point were they ever bruised or hurt in the process. That's the whole point of restraint.
Unfortunately as far as him growing up, eventually he will have to deal with bullies at every turn of his life. I've learned this the hardway many times. Eventually I got to the point where I told my "educators" where to stuff their assistance and I just did what I was going to do regardless of their opinion.
Hopefully your son goes the some route I did. (OH BTW, I was diagnosed at 14.)
Nate- he's at a new school that is experienced with AS (after we did homeschooling for 6 mths). I reported the last school for failing him. We've had to be very firm with him & we've never ever bruised him either.
He is learning martial arts, which is teaching him self-defense skills. Only thing is, he is stack at practising. He could have done his yellow belt 6 mths ago, but is slack. His father is frustrated at paying for something that he seems to be benefiting from but is not really making the effort.
I find his attitude frustrating too - he is arrogant & distractable & has tantrums instead of trying with basic things tying shoelaces - he's AS of the difficult variety (I have AS too, but I always tried my best, hence learned to compensate). So frustrating
I linked this article on my blog. If you're interested in reading it I can send you the link.
Thanks, Nate. If your blog is relevant to homeschooling and/or Aspergers, then you're welcome to add it here in the comments
Baileybear,
Excellent hub as always. My sister is a teacher and has a son with AS. Like bizymomof3 said, being a teacher, she knows how to fight the system. And it is a constant fight. The school provides therapy and then says he is making progress, so he no longer needs it. But the only reason he is making progress is because of the therapy.
Luckily he is doing well in school and really enjoys it. But my sister says the school is very unchallenging. She is worried that he may become bored at some point and start to act up. He is only 7, so there is still a possibility that could happen.
LTW - My son is doing well at the new school he transitioned to, except he's been fretting lately about a government test (they want to compare schools). I've asked the school to either give him more time or have him not do it at all, if it's going to undo all the positive work done so far. Yes, boredom's not much good either. What about an extracurricular activity? My son got his yellow belt in Taekwondo yesterday. There were 3 red belt teenagers that looked like awesome role models - the whole culture there is respectful & helpful. Not like the youths hanging around at the mall with nothing to do.
Baileybear, more power to you. If you feel that you need to homeschool your son, then by all means do so, especially if he's in danger at school. I can't believe how he was treated at school! Shame on them.
lortiz - we ended up homeschooling him for 6 months - it was tough. I wrote about it in another hub. He's now at a school that understands Asperger's and has welcomed him. He had a birthday party yesterday and all 4 children that were invited from school came, and they had a great time.
Hi there,
Wow... my son in 18 now and sound just like a bigger version of your son. ASD ADHD and in recent years severe OCD and anxiety. We are currently home schooling after shifting schools 5 times. Must admit that homeschooling shrinks not only their life but also the parent! His only outlet is cycling (about 400km a week). He is extremely stubborn and rigid and the OCD is totally irrational and debilitating. He is now doing part time homeschooling with a tutor. It is one day at a time with these kids. I wished that we had found a school that understood his difficulties. I can't help thinking if he had had a better time at school would we be in this current situation. All the best and make sure to look after yourself in this process!
Happy Rock - yep, sounds like ours sons are peas in a pod. We homeschooled for 6 months until he could start at a new school - he's happy there. I wrote an update of our homeschool experience.
I hope you do homeschooling. We do with our 11 year old son with asperger's, add and anxiety. I couldn't imagine it any other way. I believe the child's safety and comfort HAS to come first. Our as children can't help the way they are and only a parent will truly care and have the patience, complete love and understanding.
Thank you SO much. This is my son. He is 9. We are currently in a situation (in the UK) where we feel school is not best and want to take him out (he's missed a fair bit lately as we go to the stage you were at). He is not keen on learning at home but I think he needs to be de-schooled so he forgets what that feels like as that, to him so far, is learning. But obviously that is just one style.
Anyway we are stressed and confused and all a bit up in the air and your piece validated every one of our feelings as parents so I know I'm not mad.
There are so many more ways for your child to get the socializaton skills than at school! My personal opinion is that school socialization skills are not on the more positive note more like trying to see who has the most friends, best clothes, bragging about the trips that they took and etc. There are groups that most children really enjoy and grow so much in. Like 4-H (which isn't just for country kids), youth groups, Horse therapy riding ( which from what I have read are wonderful for children that have the invisible disablilities), there are som many more ways that these important skills can be grown! Hang in there I know how tough it is to have a child that has those invisiable disabilities!
Wow Baileybear....You and I could have written almost the exact same book! I am currently going through the exact same thing with my almost 8 yr old grandson. The explosive meltdowns...thumbprints on the arms from restraint, principal ready to throw him out of school. We are taking him on Monday for a diagnosis. I am sure it is Aspergers. He has all the sensory difficulties, mild CP and yet with the same behaviors occuring over the past 3 years, the school has never suggested taking him to get evaluated. They have put him in a smaller class and new school this year and the transition has been horrendous. I feel as though I need tranquilizers for myself on a daily basis worrying about the next phone call from the school. At this point, I have kept him out of school for the past 3 days and am not putting him back in until I get the proper diagnosis. Then, dependent upon where they place him, I will make a decision on whether or not to home school him. My grandson is the same as yours...extremely happy at home but miserable in school. When I tell them that his behavior is totally different at home then in school, they look at me like I am not being honest with them. I am emotionally drained. At this point..I cant wait till Monday.
Gosh , I stumbled across your comments here, I am so relieved, reassured and comforted that i did. thankyou for postmg. I have fought the nhs for tests, consultants, assessments for since my 14 year old twin boys (who were born at 6mths.6days...2mths prem), In their first 2years of life i constantly questioned my health visitor on their repetitive behaiviours. On my last parents evening at primary school, the head mistress joined us (unusual). she agreed that I had always questioned and wondered if there were some learning and social concerns, to whichn I had always been assured there were not, even though when ever talkin about either of 'my boys', their names were often confused and id have to ask as to which they were talkin about, which unfortunatly is still goin on at secondary school, although they are different ends of the acedemic scale entirely, they are oftne muddled up and discussed achievement wise on eachothers schoool reports....(in year 9n at 2nd school!!!...where most gcse's are achieved by coursework !!!!! :/ ). We are currently attending one child for ocd behaiviour therepy ~(im guessing ) and family therepy with a child pyschologist every few weeks.. life is becommin harder for ' my boys ' and school for my 'sensitive ' lil star, is becomming unbearable socially, and for my 'learning disability ' star is also so filled with daily distractions a waste of time and effort. I am so totally not in a position to home school, or go private, but am so miffed at how such bright stars and talented in such own special ways, how come they are not offered or accepted into the private tutoring that the children who are suspended for variety reasons, either socially, etc reasons are accepted to at local council costs/ My stars are unsociable as in quite or on adifferent intellectual level, higher and lower ends oppoisites...yet could with the right education actually make something of themselves, yet are left forgooten or bypassed in the main stream and often ignored as to their problems... where oh where do i turn, this has gone on since they were 2...gosh, they are 14 now, things r changing,puberty is changing my lil 'boys' and as they become men i need the help and the qualifications or guidence that these 'prfesionals' have to offer.......where can i find it!!!!! please????????????
Your son's story made me cry. I have been through a similar situation with my older daughter, especially with the bullying because she is disabled. Auditory Processing Disorder and gross and fine motor disabilities made her a target for many years in school. After she attempted suicide and I saw firsthand how the kids in her class, as a 9th grader, shunned her, I knew right then and there I had to do something. Since she's been homeschooled, she is truly blossoming. I'm SO glad we went this route! Socialization! Bah! We have our daughter, now in 10th grade, in Scouts (I'm the leader and a friend who has autistic children is the co-leader) and church, and we volunteer at various places. She is so much happier. This was such a well-written HUB and I'm thankful you took the time to share your experiences on here.
Reading your story gave me some comfort knowing my family isn't the only one struggling in this regard! Our 9-year-old daughter is on the spectrum. She is constantly in trouble at school. She was expelled from a local Waldorf school here in Portland, OR. Now she is in a public school with a wonderful principal. Unfortunately, her behavior is at-odds with the majority of other students and many staff. It's a struggle. I know what you mean about being judged by others. Wow. If only they knew how much it takes to raise a child with ASD.
Dear Parent.
I know it's hard. Today as a teacher, I had to restrain a student who was non compliant. I have bruises all over me from the kid kicking and pinching me. It was horrible for me and the kid, but do you expect the teachers to just let your kid freak out in the middle of class? I get the idea of justice and yes the bully should be in trouble, but it's not cool for your kid to scream and disrupt the rest of the day for all the other kids. Sometimes teachers have to get kids separated. I think home schooling is a great choice for your child. Good Luck
I started homeschooling my daughter with Aspergers starting in 2nd grade after lots of tears, bullying etc. It's been the best decision we ever made. There are lots of opportunities for kids to get out there and be with other kids in an environment that sets them up for success socially and minimizes excessive stimuli and
Emotionally destructive experiences for them. It's not been totally easy and yet not near the issues that school created. It has been a relief for both of us.
InYourFaceNewYorker 23 months ago
Wow... what can I say?
You know what is good for teaching discipline? Running track. I don't know if there are any running/track programs for kids his age, but when I ran track in high school, it helped me immensely. It gave me the self-confidence to stand up to bullies (ie endorphin release). Additionally, upon graduating high school, I was really self-assured.
It frustrates me when people think that a kid with AS will never learn social skills if he is homeschooled. Bullshit. Forcing him in public school so that he'll learn to be social is like saying that throwing somebody in the deep end of the pool will teach them how to swim. In terms of socializing, like swimming, you start small. Obviously, my childhood shrink didn't know this, as evidenced by the fact that he would literally PLOP himself down next to me. I guess that was to encourage me to be more social (I could be wrong; I never asked him. But it is my guess).
Hope this helps!
Julie